Venezuela: Starmer Speaks Out (Oh No He Doesn’t)

Sir Kier sheds no tear for Maduro
For international law is his call
On kidnap, oil and violence
From Sir Kier simply silence
In a statement as weak as it is small

Sir Kier sheds no tear for Venezuela
Of the people, he said nothing at all

Mass Deportation Masturbation

Frog-faced fascist Farage
The tinpot TikTok wannabe dictator
Squawks deport ‘em all, let God sort ‘em out
Dreams of riots, five quid flags
And mini roundabouts
Dreams of Trump-ish sanctions
And Taliban transactions

It’s mass deportation masturbation
For a nation that’s been
Squeezed, plucked
Furloughed, fucked
Despairing for an answer
But stranded with a chancer
In stockbroker tweed
When what they need
Is far less greed
From those that have it all already
Such as him

BlackRock and the Better Mousetrap

Build a better mousetrap, they said, and the world will beat a path to your door.

So, we built a better mousetrap, and investors beat a path to our door. People started buying a better mousetrap and they were happy that they had a choice between a cheaper worse mousetrap and a dearer better mousetrap. And the investors were happy because they also had shares in the worse mousetrap company, so they made money whether people bought a worse mousetrap or a better mousetrap.

But investors like their money to make more money, so they said to the worse mousetrap company, let’s make the worse mousetrap more expensive, and they said to us, let’s make the better mousetrap more cheaply. And that’s what they did, and that what we did, because everybody needs to keep their investors happy.

People still had a choice because choice was important, but now it was between a not so cheap worse mousetrap and a not so good better mousetrap, and they weren’t happy. They said, everything is so expensive these days and, mousetraps were so much better in my day and, the people who make the mousetraps just don’t care, there’s just no craftsmanship anymore, and some even blamed the mice.

But the investors were happy, they’d increased their return. They knew that they couldn’t lose so long as they had shares in the better mousetrap company and the worse mousetrap company.

We told the investors that people weren’t happy, that mousetraps were very expensive now and that they didn’t even catch mice.

The investors said, the people didn’t understand, they should be happy, they have economic growth.

And the government agreed.

Sunak’s War

Red Sea rebels
Holding up shipping
That’s a war to get on board
Excitedly says Rishi
A blind eye for genocide
But woe betide the other side
When the flow of capital
Starts slipping

We need our containers
Our box fresh trainers
Our TV’s deep freeze David Bowie LP’s
We can’t afford for them
To go missing

So now we’re bombing Yemen
He says in self-defence
Because a trip around the Cape
Of Good Hope is an expense
That the City boys
Would rather be skipping

Welcome to his Falklands
His khaki election
The flag-wrapped PM
Of navigation protection
The enemy of far enough away
Insurrection
Happy is the bloody hand
That’s dripping

Superheroes, Supervillains

Did you ever while away a childhood hour
Imagining your very own superpower?
But never able to scratch that itch
‘Cos superpower’s reserved for the super-rich

Batman’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
But if the city upped the ante
And binned the vigilante
They could fund the GCPD
Properly
(Commissioner Gordon would be proud)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Ironman’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
‘Cos Stark Industries’
A monopoly
With sights on the whole defence
Industry
(He’s got a military industrial complex)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Andrew’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Livin’ off tax paid by you lot
Touches who he wants
With impunity
‘Cos his superpower’s unaccountability
(On account of his mum being Queen)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Our superpower’s sharing, our superpower’s caring
Our superpower’s looking out for one another
Our superpower’s sharing, our superpower’s caring
Our superpower’s looking out for one another

Jacob’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
His hedge fund’s laughin’
While other folk are starvin’
His superpower’s alarming, while his wealth he’s guarding
(He just doesn’t see poor people)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Hand over the keys to the Batmobile
Built by our labour of hand and brain
And hand over the iron suit too
We don’t want to see your superhero arses round here again

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Capitalism and Greed

“We’ll make fortunes, I bet,” Capitalism said.
“Agreed,” said Greed.
“At every step there’ll be a contract to be let.”
“Let them to me,” said Greed.
“I’ve no experience of health or PPE,
But I’ll make big donation to the Tory party.”
“Let’s make a Covid killing,” Capitalism said.
And Greed agreed.

“The usual arrangement?” Capitalism said.
“Agreed,” said Greed.
“Obscure procurement rules unashamedly bent?”
“Sounds good to me,” said Greed.
“Don’t worry if we make a mess,
We’ll just make out that it was the NHS.”
“Let’s make a Covid killing,” Capitalism said.
And Greed agreed.

“They’ve already laid the ground,” Capitalism said.
“Just what we need,” said Greed.
“To make a pretty penny off a pandemic pound.”
“They’re just like me,” said Greed.
“A bag of rocks in a suit with a mop on the top
Will help make sure that we profit from the lot.”
“Let’s make a Covid killing,” Capitalism said.
And Greed agreed.