Derek’s boycotting the meerkats
He’s stopped drinking Smirnoff and Coke
He’d never been one for the ballet anyway
He’s never been quite that woke
He’s boycotting Baltika Lager too
Since they stopped selling it in the ‘Spoons
But watching Chelsea on Sky’s okay
Since they split with their Russian tycoons
His missus has got Chicken Kyiv for tea
And told him not to call it Kiev
She should stay out of Holland and Barrett too
At least that’s what the neighbours said
Apparently, their dish gets Russian telly
On the news they called it RT
Derek says it’s alright to just not watch it
If it came with the other channels free
He’s got a knock-off Ukraine football top
Off a bloke with a market stall
And a flag but he’s not sure he’ll fly it
It’s no cross of St. George, after all
He’s a fan of a plucky Ukrainian, mind
He likes it that they’ll stay and fight
Not like them channel dinghy Syrians
Flooding in day and night
It’s not like there’s room in this country
Some fruit picking, but that’s about it
Derek’s boycotting the meerkats
Derek’s doing his bit
Armchair Generals
Armchair generals
Firing other people’s bullets
With other people’s sons
Express sympathy
With the refugee
Who would be welcome here
If they weren’t such a risk to national insecurity
And Lincolnshire is full, says Leigh
Even if they’re willing to pick fruit
What has Liz’s dressing-up box
Got for us today?
Fighter pilot? Tank commander?
Recruiter for La Légion étrangère?
She’s unlikely to dress to protest
Or to campaign against the war
That’s what the other lot are for
The Minister for Instagram will give up glam
But only for a message of might
She wants you to fight
Don’t let her tell you that it’s simple
While the policy to sanction
Fails to seize a single yacht or mansion
Despite the fighting talk
Trying to be the hawkest hawk
It’s easier to call to arms
Than boycott wealthy friends
As a wise man once said
A bayonet is a weapon
With a worker at both ends
Vlad The Invader
There’s oligarchs in London, tanks in Ukraine
Kremlin-funded Tories with wealthy campaigns
Gangster capital was given free reign
And now we’ve got Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader
Nigel and Donald have both led the cheer
Strongman nationalist, macho veneer
Looking for excuses now the tanks are here
For their mate Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader
So, move the final from the Gazprom
Cancel the Grand Prix and Eurovision song
Cock a deaf ‘un to Saudi dropping British bombs
A bit like Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader
Hit him with a sanction, let’s see who it hurts
Who’s got the gas? Who turns the heat off first?
A punch in the face but who comes off worst?
The worker or Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader
We’re doing all we can is the Westminster cry
Having washed all the money and turned a blind eye
Now how many refugees will they deny?
Created by Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader
The bravery of protests in Pushkin Square
Compare them to a Kensington billionaire
Who has more in common with the bellicose bear?
Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader
Sunflowers
There are tanks at the gates of the city
And in the fear that their presence breeds
Stands a woman confronting the soldiers
Handing out sunflower seeds
This is my city, she tells them
And in this city, we all may die
So, know when you fall for your master’s glory
A sunflower will grow where you lie
There are tanks at the gates of the city
And in the still that all soldiers know
Lies the ground upon which many will fall
And one day sunflowers will grow
Donald’s Coke
His campaign’s funded in roubles
He plays tennis with some Russian folk
He’s almost completely without scruples
And he’s snorting Donald’s coke
Now he’s lining up a barrage of sanctions
Its Churchill he’s trying to invoke
He’s getting a piece of the action
And snorting Donald’s coke
Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke
He’s a fan of foie gras and fur
He don’t care how the poor buggers croak
An opportunity Brexit conferred
While he was snorting Donald’s coke
Pounds, shillings, and pence
Don’t matter if you’re broke
Proposed by the Minister of Past Tense
Who’s been snorting Donald’s coke
Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke
Keep keen eyes in the crow’s nest
He knows the system’s broke
Don’t worry about who can afford a test
While you’re snorting Donald’s coke
Here’s another strategic lie
Just call the dissenters woke
Dead cat meet table; ball, eye: bye, bye
He’s snorting Donald’s coke
Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke
War Footing
Spaffer’s on a war footing
Above criticism
Posing for pictures in a fighter plane
Spaffer’s on a war footing
Forget Partygate
It’s war for political advantage
Again
Spaffer’s on a war footing
Appearing Churchillian
When he closes his eyes
To better fantasise
Spaffer’s on a war footing
God help us
It wouldn’t be the first time the bodies piled high
Sheriff Rayner
Shoot first
Ask questions later
Ange is reaching for her gun
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner
Or you just might get done
Here’s how to impress the Chief, Sir Kier
Here’s how to win back the red wall
Round up your posse of miscreants
Get ‘em up against the wall
Shoot first, ask questions later
Shoot first, ask questions later
Shoot first, ask questions later
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner
Don’t get on the wrong side
Don’t get on the wrong side
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner
Liz Truss Prepares for War
Listen to me, in my new serious voice,
We’re going to war; we don’t have a choice,
So, here’s a picture of me, with my new serious hair
In a serious tank, while our brave troops prepare.
Pay attention to me and my new serious face,
I’m ready to put Vladimir back in his place
But don’t ask me questions, I’m here to be imperious
And impress upon you that things are very serious,
With my serious voice and my serious hair
Because going to war is a serious affair.
And while I offer the Prime Minister my full support
I’ll be seriously ready when it’s time to cut him short.
Learning to Live With the Lies
There are ten different types of liar, he said
And that was a lie as well
He finds it as easy to tell an untruth
As he does the truth to tell
Of all the liars in all of the world
He’s the most comfortable liar you’ve heard
So, now we’re learning to live,
Learning to live with the lies
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
45 minutes from mass destruction
Millions of pounds on the side of a bus
A programme of new hospital construction
And then they say that it’s all about us
Whenever there’s something they want us to do
They just find it easier to hide the truth
And now we’re learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
There are big lies, little lies
Dirty lies, white lies
Lies to seem clean
And lies to the Queen
Smooth lies, compulsive lies
Bold lies, deceptive lies
Fake news, half truths
And lying as routine
Disinformation
Exaggeration
Lying as omission
They’re a lying machine
Weasel words, perjury
Minimising, puffery
Polite lies, paltering
Their lying is obscene
Their lies are obscene
(So now we’re)
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
Not If
When the cut and thrust of politics is real
When the cut and paste apologies are fake
When facts matter less than what you feel
And truth and lies are given equal weight
When “I get it” and “I’ll fix it” are a sham
When extremists are emboldened by your act
When you genuinely couldn’t give a damn
And your policy does nothing but distract
When you use your privilege to tell a lie
When you prey upon the people’s hopes and fears
When a violent act is something that you buy
Or else incite by very public smears
When contrition is a barely fleeting phase
Before deceitful boasting rears its head once more
When history is written by the days
Each sentence worse than the one before
When you’re leading them without a destination
When you’re leaving them to fend for themselves
When self-confidence is your only salvation
It’s time to start to draft your farewells
When the authorities are knocking at your door
When your champions look the other way
When your last-ditch distraction is a war
Then accept that this big dog has had his day
Steve White & The Protest Family 