Kings and queens are all, it seems
We need to keep food on our plate
Kings and queens and Heinz Baked Beans*
And golden carriages of state
Kings and queens are all, it seems
We need to keep us warm and fed
Kings and queens and Heinz Baked Beans
And Tory Warburtons sliced bread**
So, boo to cost of living crisis
Boo to rising staple prices
Hurrah for Charlie and Camilla
Beans on toast again for dinner
*Well, you’ve got to have standards
**Other bread is available
Crowdfund the coronation
Don’t pay for it from our taxation
If you support the celebration
Then you can make a small donation
Crowdfund the coronation
But make it so that each donation
Ticks a box to just make sure
You’d rather not give to the poor
Crowdfund the coronation
Don’t pay for it from our taxation
Of which we’re told there’s such a dearth
We can’t pay nurses what they’re worth
Crowdfund the coronation
And if folk need some motivation
A celebrity-packed one day’s TV
Can raise some cash for kings in need
Crowdfund the coronation
Crowdfund the whole damn operation
The nation then with one accord
Will have the royals they can afford
Here it is, the bad apple defence
A line they all pursue
It’s alright round here really
It’s just a bad apple or two
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s just the way things are done round here
We turn a blind eye, we cock a deaf ear
We reap what we sow
We let the bad apples grow
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It ain’t everybody
But the rules are very clear
You never saw the bully
And there’s banter you don’t hear
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It ain’t everybody
Just the facts that all folk know
It’s the way we do things round here
We just let bad apples grow
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
I’ve got my radio on, tuned to LBC
And every other jock’s tryin’ to tell me
That culturally, the Muslim man
Is pre-disposed to a grooming gang
A grooming gang, not a paedophile ring
‘Cause a paedophile ring is a white man thing
It’s a racist phone-in, non-stop
And the worst of it is, it’s coming from the top
It’s coming from the top and here’s the thing
The people at the top have got brown skin
It’s a desperate scramble for votes, last ditch
And people get hurt when you talk like this
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Our coach can’t get into Europe
The school trip kiddies cry
‘Cause every passport needs a stamp
Did you stop to wonder why?
Is it two sides of the same coin, you ask
Well, it’s definitely two cheeks of the same arse
Do you need another clue?
We hate folk who ain’t from round here
And the ones from round here too
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
It’s limited and specific
Like the KLF didn’t say
All bound for Brexit Benefit Land
Get out the fuckin’ way
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Where the rules get ripped up and re-written
For the fool who messed up worst and last
In the interests of the ruling class
And we’re throwing a party we can’t afford
For the bloke on the business end of the sword
While the supplicant kneeling is now at the helm
Of the opposition, a knight of the realm
We’ve got Charlie in charge, Charlie on the throne
Where’s our revolucion?
Charlie in France, well maybe not
What chance have we fuckin’ got?
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
The tide’s been going out for ages
Rishi’s got a bucket and spade
There’s a little bit less to go around these days
So Rishi’s got a new game
He knows he’s not the most popular kid
But Rishi’s got a plan
The tide’s been going out for ages
And he’s drawing swastikas in the sand
Swastikas in the sand
He’s drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And he’s drawing swastikas in the sand
Jonathan and Lee think that Rishi’s fab
They want to join in the game
Please let us play with you Rishi
This lark should really have a name
I’m going to call it Stop the Boats
Whoever’s on them just gets banned
The tide’s been going out for ages
And they’re drawing swastikas in the sand
Swastikas in the sand
They’re drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And they’re drawing swastikas in the sand
There’s hundreds and millions and billions
Suella joins the game with glee
I bet I can stop the boats the best
Oh Rishi, won’t you play with me
We can pretend they’re all evil
And we should never let them land
The tide’s been going out for ages
And she’s drawing swastikas in the sand
Swastikas in the sand
She’s drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And she’s drawing swastikas in the sand
Swastikas in the sand
They’re drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And they’re drawing swastikas in the sand
Diddy Rishi Dastardly’s petard will soon be hoist
“Yes General”, he says to the off-screen muffled voice
But Zilly’s done a runner, he thinks Rwanda isn’t fair
And Klunk has got a legal plan that hasn’t got a prayer
While Dastardly just wants the Vulture Squadron in the air
‘Cause Yankee Doodle Refugee will lose him Red Wall votes
While Muttley snickers “medal”, he’s crying “Stop the boats!”
What the fuck are resignation honours
Can they be bought with foreign dollars
Or are they just for a certain type of cad
Like the ex-PM’s wife-beating dad
With form for familial awards
Having put his brother in the House of Lords
If we’re to let him have his way
Then their post-nominals all should say
KBTW, BJ
Displayed proudly by their name
Arise, Sir Stanley, Lord of Wrong ‘Un
Knighted by that wanker, Boris Johnson
Get a job, get a second job, get a better job
And pretend that Covid never happened
Budget for your tea, better budget 30p
And pretend that there’s no increase in the gap, and
You’re gonna have to wait four hours for an ambulance
You’re gonna have to live at home with your parents
You’re gonna have companies that don’t do what they oughta
You’re gonna have some of them shitting in the water
Do away with your daily latte
Your Netflix subscription will have to wait another day
Bring your bus pass if you want to have a vote
Don’t turn up here in a small boat
Be prepared to join a queue
For tomatoes, cucumbers too
But a good little Brit knows what to do
Go to work on some turnip stew
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
There’s too much choice these days, says Thérèse
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
We’re not to blame for the rain in Spain
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
Cherish specialism, not pessimism
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
The bill’s too high for your local supply
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
Fruit and veg ration is the latest fashion
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
And it’s nothing to do with leaving the EU
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
Steve White & The Protest Family 