Gove, a hearty trencherman he Would never accept a scotch egg for his tea “Two’s a starter!” he would exclaim When Good Morning Britain called him to explain
But Eustice, a man of lesser appetite When challenged by Ferrari said that he might Be tempted to see the tier two appeal Of a single scotch egg as a substantial meal
And so it came to be in a later edition The Chancellor of the Dutchy of Lancaster’s position U-turned, like the worst of the government’s fools He did not, but said that the pubs knew the rules
Gentle folk of England, such is the fate Of your taverns and inns, by glass and by plate Decided by men who can’t even agree On a simple scotch egg for lunch, dinner or tea
Jason and Joanna got Christmas bubble trouble She wants to see her mum but then her sister’s bubble doubles And her brother and his girlfriend make another bubble couple She’s trying to understand the rules
Jason and Joanna got Christmas bubble trouble He wants to see his dad but it’s gonna be a struggle ‘Cos her side’s already in a Christmas bubble muddle He’s trying to understand the rules
(Which go like)
You can see her sister if you go round to her mother’s But that’s already three so now you can’t see her brother That would need a separate bubble but you can’t have another What happens if we meet outside?
Jason and Joanna got Christmas bubble trouble His mum and dad ain’t speaking so that’s something else to juggle There’s too many pieces in their family Christmas puzzle They’re trying to understand the rules
Jason and Joanna got Christmas bubble trouble The tree ain’t even up before negotiations crumble ‘Cos “Are we splitting up for Christmas?” ain’t exactly subtle When you’re trying to understand the rules
(Which go like)
Three bubbles can behave like they live in the same house And pass the roast potatoes while passing on the sprouts But unless they’re only children then there’s someone missing out What happens if we eat outside?
Three bubbles can behave like they live in the same house And pass the roast potatoes while passing on the sprouts But unless they’re only children then there’s someone missing out What happens if we eat outside?
Jason and Joanna got Christmas bubble trouble The tree ain’t even up before negotiations crumble ‘Cos “Are we splitting up for Christmas?” ain’t exactly subtle When you’re trying to understand the rules
Never less than thought-provoking, whilst also being highly entertaining, the band who to my mind can be seen as a musical equivalent of Coldwar Steve, indeed the group that can be relied upon to contribute to the soundtrack of the fight against inequality and a better, fairer world, not least because they have something eminently worthwhile to say, deserve a listen.
Get out, he said, and never come back Take your box out of the front door No sneakin’ out the back You might’ve got Brexit done But now you’re getting’ the tin tack There’s the road to Barnard Castle I suggest you hit it, Jack
Now Spaffer’s back in self-isolation With Carrie and Baby Wilf She doesn’t need to text him ten times a day Now she’s got him all to herself He’s phoning in the bluff and bluster From a comfy sofa in number 10 Arms-length prime ministering, no surprise We’ve been there once, now we’re doing it again
Get out of here and never come back Is what I hear he said to Lee Cain But apparently money’s already changin’ hands That it won’t be long ‘til he’s back again Too close to Cummings, too close to home Don’t say “Princess Nut-Nut” when you’re not alone ‘Cos it might not be such a laugh When the boss de-blokes the backroom staff
Now Spaffer’s back in self-isolation With Carrie and Baby Wilf She doesn’t need to text him ten times a day Now she’s got him all to herself He’s phoning in the bluff and bluster From a comfy sofa in number 10 Arms-length prime ministering, no surprise They’ll just have to wheel Matt Hancock out again
Beth’s reading meterology She’s a first-year undergrad The first bit of independent living that she’s had Embarking on a future that includes a cap and gown Yesterday she found herself locked in the compound Now the atmosphere in halls is getting pretty tense And Beth is tearing down the fence
Natasha’s reading history First time away from home She never expected to feel quite so alone Locked down in a flat with students she just met An education that she’s beginning to regret The message the past teaches her is self-defence So, Natasha’s tearing down the fence
Sam’s reading economics At nine grand a year Looking forward to a freshers’ week swimming in beer The virus isn’t news, so he’s not too dismayed But he never expected to wake up in a stockade His education’s coming at considerable expense So, Sam is tearing down the fence
The University of Life The School of Hard Knocks Call it what you like, it’s what these kids have got Locked up and logged in, guards keeping them inside Learning lessons in life that money just can’t buy Learning who’s for them and who is against Learning to tear down the fence
Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna? Did they manage to keep it together? Did Jason become too obsessed in the end? Did Joanna need someone else to be her friend?
Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna? Did they manage to isolate successfully? Did they ever get out to the pub for their tea? Or did they just end up in tier three?
Joanna’s kids don’t need a free school meal But she’s all on board with Marcus Rashford’s appeal She knows some other mums don’t have it quite so good If she could find a way to feed their kids she probably would
But she knows what Jason would say She knows what Jason would say
He’d say it’s all well and good but it’s just charity And that’s not what a nation’s kids all need He’d say compassionate leadership isn’t a sin We just need the government to do the right thing He’d say it’s the best interests of all the nation’s health To have a fundamental redistribution of wealth
That’s what Jason would say That’s what Jason would say
Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna? Did Jason get too smug about a second wave? The one that he said would be here any day But it’s still no fun living that way
Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna? Did they manage to keep it together? Did Jason become too obsessed in the end? Did Joanna need someone else to be her friend?
A teenage state school rugby player Could marvel at the examples Among the fee-paying opposition Bigger and better in every position And every respect From wrist to thigh and arm to head Glossier, brighter, whiter Quite obviously better bred Better fed, on better bread
These giants who roamed the land From families who owned the land (And freely used the word ‘alas’ When deigning to see their lads At half term) Were clearly of a better stock From full back to loosehead prop and back Chock full of born-to-lead-ness That our team somehow lacked
As we left the playing fields of England behind To turn our noses to the daily grind They rose to take their rightful place In the grand offices of state To bray, debate, deliberate And make the regulations and the laws That daily will affect us all
Marcus plays a very different game Co-opted early to the Order of the British Empire An uncomfortable title But recognition all the same He seeks to shame Those with the power to make a change In this time of national crisis To extend a free school meal a day Into the Christmas holiday Though tempered is the hope that he’ll succeed For the children of the first fifteen It’s a meal they’ll never need
Steve White & The Protest Family 