Jason and Joanna: Vaccine Wars

Joanna was waiting for a text from the surgery
Jason got a message that there was some going free
The end of the day, or it would be thrown away
Jason said that vaccine is mine

Jason got the Pfizer, she’ll probably get the Oxford one
His was from Germany, Joanna’s will be homespun
She heard side effects affect nearly everyone
Jason, however, was fine

And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war

Jason shrugged, said it’s all about your contacts
It’s nothing personal you’ve got to watch your own back
You’ll get yours soon enough, I don’t understand the fuss
It’s the one thing he thinks he got right

Joanna thought the deal was to be in it together
Last year it was her warning him of heavy weather
He’s got everything wrong, now he’s coming on strong
It looks like there’s gonna be a fight

And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war

She said no man is an island, I just don’t get it
It’s not like you to tell the world to just forget it
You think you’re the best but you’re gonna regret it
I don’t understand this at all

There’s no point being alone in your immunity
You might call it a herd but it’s actually community
Not a competition at every opportunity
Jason, you’re building a wall
Jason, you’re building a wall

And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war
And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war
There getting ready for a vaccine war

(Whatever Happened To) Jason and Joanna

Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna?
Did they manage to keep it together?
Did Jason become too obsessed in the end?
Did Joanna need someone else to be her friend?

Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna?
Did they manage to isolate successfully?
Did they ever get out to the pub for their tea?
Or did they just end up in tier three?

Joanna’s kids don’t need a free school meal
But she’s all on board with Marcus Rashford’s appeal
She knows some other mums don’t have it quite so good
If she could find a way to feed their kids she probably would

But she knows what Jason would say
She knows what Jason would say

He’d say it’s all well and good but it’s just charity
And that’s not what a nation’s kids all need
He’d say compassionate leadership isn’t a sin
We just need the government to do the right thing
He’d say it’s the best interests of all the nation’s health
To have a fundamental redistribution of wealth

That’s what Jason would say
That’s what Jason would say

Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna?
Did Jason get too smug about a second wave?
The one that he said would be here any day
But it’s still no fun living that way

Whatever happened to Jason and Joanna?
Did they manage to keep it together?
Did Jason become too obsessed in the end?
Did Joanna need someone else to be her friend?

Jason Gets the Call

Jason got the call.
Who is this?
Where did you get this number?
He wasn’t expecting this at all.
Joanna’s expression asked the question;
Dunno love, he shrugged.

They said “Sir, did you take a test?”
Jason said yes.

“You know you’ve had the virus”
Jason said yes
I’ve still got it I guess,
A bit of a temperature
A bit of a cough,
Joanna’s alright but I still feel off.
Why are you calling me today?
Am I OK?

“Sir, relax.
We just need to trace your contacts”

“Before we do can we ask
Sir, did you self-isolate?”
Sorry mate?
Did you mean I’d stayed at home?
Yes, 14 days
Like the guidance says
Yes, I stayed at home.
Not alone,
My wife is here
But her test was clear.

“Very good sir, we’re glad to hear.”

Before that, I went to work.

“Did you work from home?”

Well at first, but you see
The government opened up the economy.

“OK we see
So who was at work?”

Well, me
My boss, Brian, Gavin and Sharon
And..

“Sir did you stay two metres from ‘em?”

Well yes
And no I guess.
It’s work you see,
That’s not always easy.

“OK, We get the gist.
Can you make a list
Of everyone you worked with, then
We can get in touch with them.”

Well, I’m at home,
I don’t have everyone’s numbers in my phone.

“I see
Tell me where you work,
We’ll contact them directly.”

Jason obliged
But his list might be slightly compromised.
Joanna looked his way;
Jason looked away.

There’s something you should probably know
About me, about us.
She braced for the blow.
I went to work on the bus.

Jason and the Virus

newseventsimage_1582305954942_mainnews2012_x1

Jason woke up thinking about the virus. He realised that he went to bed every night and woke up every morning doing the same. His work, done almost exclusively from home, involved modifying his employer’s business in response to the virus and while he was doing it he’d be listening to radio phone-in shows which inevitably had only one topic of conversation: the virus.

Jason thought about Joanna. They seemed to be coping well with the sudden changes in theirs and the children’s lives, not like some couples that you read about when they start spending more time together in retirement. He wondered if she thought about the virus all the time too. He wondered if he should ask her.

Jason thought about wildlife. He’d seen the pictures of the Great Orme goats wandering freely around the empty streets of Llandudno and thought that the lockdown did at least bring some good news for them, the foxes not being chased, the grouse not being shot, and the news that work on a potential vaccine had gone straight to human trials without being tested on animals. He wondered if there were animals being born now who wouldn’t understand what the world is like when it’s full of humans.

Jason wondered if his problem wasn’t fear of the virus so much, although you heard some terrifying stories, but more the uncertainty. Would things ever go back to normal? What would the new normal be like? The old normal was far from perfect after all. How long would we be locked down for and could we all cope? The uncertainty was definitely being fed by government, representatives of whom flatly refused to speculate on the future during the increasingly cut-and-paste daily press briefings. The media accused the government of secrecy and incompetence, the government said they were following the science.

It was an easy cop out at the press conference, to deflect any difficult questions to a nearby scientist; Grant Shapps had even done it when asked about Donald Trump’s off the cuff question to his own advisers about injecting disinfectant into COVID patients’ lungs, but in truth the decision makers were the politicians not the scientists and rumours that the Prime Minister’s notorious political adviser, Dominic Cummings, was attending meetings of the scientific advisory group worried Jason.

He also worried that talk of following the science was never backed up with any reference to papers, or research, just to “science”; well other than the leaked Imperial College report that lead to a change in strategy when it revealed that 250,000 people might die if the government persisted in trying to build herd immunity. If Jason understood politics or science at all, then there should some scientific work on which this was all based and if there was, it should be accessible.

He wan’t wrong 1. What he found was a jumble of acronyms that would be just as at home in the Marvel universe: NERVTAG, SAGE, SPIM and SPIB and a mixture of scientific papers mostly epidemiology, and behavioural science reports that read more like editorials or opinion pieces than research. He found evidence that the government had always planned a lockdown of 8-13 weeks but also evidence supporting some of the things that they’d said. He wondered why the press weren’t holding more of this up to public scrutiny.

Jason realised that he had some reading to do.

1. Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE): Coronavirus (COVID-19) response