How warm are your stables?
How bent are your tax affairs?
How pliable your opinion?
How shallow are your cares?
How warm are your stables?
How thick are your lies?
How cheap is your loyalty?
You joined Reform, surprise!
Arise Sir…Oh, Maybe Not
Tag: nigel farage
The Bad Guys Are Winning
You can be a bad guy
And just redact your sins
Or find a new god
Who says that bad guys win
Like Little Tommy
In Trafalgar square
Preaching Hey Jesus
Hey look over there
Tommy singing carols
Saying Jesus is born
To a bunch of far-right racists
Sharing kiddie porn
Like Nigel Farage
His Judaeo-Christian values
What he means is anti-Islam
Those are his rules
The bad guys are winning
Make no mistake
The bad guys are winning
Bad guys on the take
Oh woe is me G Beebees
They’re cancelling Christmas
Like it’s only for white folk
It deliberately missed us
The bad guys are winning
It’s hard to deny it
Even Russell the rapist
Says that God made him try it
The bad guys are winning
Here’s the incoming stitch
They say that God don’t say
That you should tax the rich
Thou shalt not tax the rich
Man shalt not lie with man
Thou shalt not scratch that itch
Or worship Islam
The bad guys are winning
Claiming God on their side
But there ain’t no heaven
For their racist pride
Project 2025
Is only the beginning
Donald’s on the case
The bad guys are winning
Go for the trans folk
And rights for women
It’s a simple formula
The bad guys are winning
Gold leaf in the White House
No votes for women
Everything is binary
The bad guys are winning
Just wait for Donny
His bible and his smile and
Saying he found Jesus
On Epstein’s island
The bad guys are wining
Make no mistake
The bad guys are winning
Bad guys on the take
The bad guys are winning
Claiming God on their side
But there ain’t no heaven
For their racist pride
Nazi Steve Bannon says
Tell them it’s God’s will
Make them scared of immigrants
March up the culture hill
The identity playbook
Don’t need a bible
It knows what it’s opposed
Jesus sue ‘em for libel
Jesus the refugee
From Nazareth in Palestine
Jesus with a cool trick
Turning water into wine
Jesus the refugee
Who gave to the poor
Jesus would say what the fuck
Is nationalism even for
The bad guys are wining
Make no mistake
The bad guys are winning
Bad guys on the take
The bad guys are winning
Claiming God on their side
But there ain’t no heaven
For their racist pride
The bad guys are winning
The bad guys are wrong
If you wanna stop them winning
Just keep singing this song
Don’t let the bad guys win…
(They’re Eating The) Swans
They’re eating the swans says Derek
They’re eating the swans in the Royal Park
Shut up Derek says Margaret
Stop being so daft
I heard it this morning on LBC
Where nothing is true so anything could be
In Clacton, it’s Derek’s take
That fake news is real, and real news is fake
When the MP shares a racist trope
The MP’s that kinda racist bloke
An MP who shares a racist hoax
Then covers his tracks with a just misspoke
Tropes to cover his tracks
Avoiding questions about his tax
And callers on the phone
Asking whose money paid for his Clacton home
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
And Nigel is the type of bloke
Who likes to share a racist trope
As you can see
Meanwhile across the pond
The stories correspond
They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats
Are Donny’s version of the facts
Dropping racist bombs
Makes you wonder where Nigel gets it from
A taxi driver he says
Is where he gets his facts these days
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
And Nigel is the type of bloke
Who likes to share a racist trope
As you can see
They’re bringing in shariah law, says Derek
I heard it on LBC
Nigel’s taxi driver says so
And who am I to disagree
They’re eating the swans says Derek
It’s our MP’s hot take
When nothing is true in Clacton
Fake news is real and real news is fake
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
And Nigel is the type of bloke
Who likes to share a racist trope
As you can see
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be…..
We All Deserve A Chance
I was chattin’ to a bloke at the bar
Of The New Austerity Inn
He said, I’m not a racist but
I guess that he was six pints in
He said, how bad could it be
When they’re all the bloody same
Politics to them
Is just a bloody game
And I’m not playin’
I’m just sayin’
That Nigel deserves a chance
He finished up his pint and said
Let’s have another round
It used to be alright in here
But this lot are just clowns
And I’m just bloody sick
Of all this bloody woke
A bad pint and a cigarette
That they won’t let me smoke
So I’m not playin’
I’m just sayin’
That Nigel deserves a chance
(I thought for a minute….)
Give Nigel a chance, I said
I hear what you’re sayin’
Something’s got to change
But Nigel ain’t a price worth payin’
‘Cause the pub will open longer
But the staff just won’t get paid
And the punters will be skinter
So there’ll be even less trade
And the beer will be just as stale
And probably even worse
‘Cause he prefers his wine to ale
The pub banter’s rehearsed
And the NHS will not be free
You’ll buy it from his mates
And he’ll still blame the migrants
While it’s billionares that take
So, I’m not playin’
I’m just sayin’
We all deserve a chance
To stick together
To understand
What we have in common
With our fellow man
We’ll nationalise the billionaires
We’ll confiscate their yachts
100% inheritance tax
And we’ll all share all the lot
Yeah, I’m not playin’
I’m just sayin’
We all deserve a chance
(And you wanna know how I got on…)
I was chattin’ to a bloke at the bar
Of The New Austerity Inn
He said, I guess I hear you
But the common man can’t win
When politics to them
Is just a bloody game
I said if we spit together
We can drown them all the same
And I’m not playin’
I’m just sayin’
That we all deserve a chance
Let’s stick together
Let’s spit together
‘Cause we all deserve a chance
Lee’s House
Lee’s house ain’t as nice
As his house, ain’t as nice
As what an asylum seeker gets
And Lee’s clothes ain’t as nice
As his clothes, ‘cos Lee knows
All the things an asylum seeker gets
From
GB News, LBC
Folks with no time for refugees
On the basis that they’re rich racists
And that’s what they want Lee to see
Lee’s money ain’t as much
As their money, ain’t as much
As what an asylum seeker gets
And Lee’s phone ain’t as nice
As his phone, ‘cos he’s been shown
What an asylum seeker gets
By
GB News, Talk TV
Folks like Nick Ferrari
On the basis that they’re rich racists
And that’s what they want Lee to see
Shall we show him
Shall we show him
Shall we show him
That Lee’s house is twice as nice
As his house, twice as nice
As what an asylum seeker gets
And Lee’s clothes are twice as nice
As his clothes, twice as nice
As what an asylum seeker gets
(Nothing, they buy their own)
And Lee’s money is so much more
Than his money, so much more
Than what an asylum seeker gets
(Forty-nine pounds a week)
And Lee’s phone is so much better
Than his phone, so much better
Than what an asylum seeker gets
‘Cos they’re from charities so they can stay in touch
With the process, services and such
But that ain’t what they want Lee to see
They want him to blame the refugee
And Lee’s house ain’t as nice
As his house, ain’t as nice
As what Nigel Farage gets
Walthamstow Wide Awake
What ya gonna do when Little Tommy comes to town
Stand your ground
They shall not pass
What ya gonna do second time around
Stand your ground
And hold fast
What ya gonna do
When Nigel calls a riot
He’s only askin’ questions
And you ain’t keeping quiet
When the fascists come to town
Stand your ground and hold fast
They shall not pass
From 1914 to Bell Corner
To Hoe Street in the calm summer sun
Walthamstow wide awake
Walthamstow awake and watch ‘em run
What you gonna do while Little Tommy is away
Raise a glass
And have a laugh
What you gonna do while Little Tommy is away
Stay awake
And hold fast
Don’t be a stay at home Stella
Don’t give yourself a dilemma
When the fascists come to town
The streets are where you should be found,
So hold fast, they shall not pass
From 1914 to Bell Corner
To Hoe Street in the calm summer sun
Walthamstow wide awake
Walthamstow awake and watch ‘em run
A Love Letter From Nigel Farage To Donald Trump
I always tell people that you are extraordinary
I bask in the glow of your golden age
Your upbeat populism, it’s gonna be beautiful
I’m the wind beneath the wings of your global stage
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind
Remember how we felt in 2016
The laughs that we had outside the golden door
Fooling the world that we were anti-establishment
Planning all the riches that the power could score
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind
I always tell people to take you seriously
Even if literally can be a bit much
I’m sorry we disagree about Zelensky
Oh Donny, Tommy doesn’t have your golden touch
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind
I know he has a chainsaw and his own space rocket
I know he bought Twitter and rid it of blue
But his kid picked his nose in The Oval Office
And he could never love you the way that I do
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind
If We Had Won The War
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
We’d all have homes for heroes, there’d be no Jan 6 zeroes
There’d be refuge for the needy and the poor
If we had won the war!
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
We’d want for nowt, and never need for more
One nation under God
Even if you think that’s odd
And everybody welcome at our shore
If we had won the war!
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in Reform UK or even down that UKIP way
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
Working would never be a chore
We’d all know fair is fair
And billionaires would pay their share
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war!
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in Reform UK or even down that UKIP way
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war
Happy Hour is Over
Happy hour is over.
Rachel surveys the thinning crowd from behind the bar of The New Austerity Inn. “I thought it would be better than this,” she says to no one in particular.
The locals have taken to calling her “Rachel the Barmaid”. They don’t think that she’s qualified to run the pub on her own. She might have pinned her certificate to the wall, but she’s still done nothing about the dire offering on tap.
Meanwhile, outside the Wetherspoons, a man in mustard trousers hides a glass of Chablis behind “a pint of your finest ale”, lights a cigarette, and waits.
Henry and the Tractors
Henry parked his tractor in Whitehall
Turned to the camera to explain
My lifestyle is under threat, he said
It’s causing my accountant great pain
The only way to farm this land, he said
Is if your father was a farmer too
And if your granddad owned it before him
Then farming’s what you’re born to do
Like being a millionaire, I thought
The bit that was going unsaid
Why’s the right to own and work the land
Restricted to the born and bred?
Henry and the tractors were holding up traffic
Like Just Stop Oil in tweed caps
Barbour coats and green wellies
A Reform UK uniform, perhaps
Like mustard-trousered Farage
Defending the interests of his class
Henry parked his tractor in Whitehall
What a fucking arse
Steve White & The Protest Family 