by
protestfamily
Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: 3000 new cases, coronavirus, COVID-19, Matt Hancock, out of control, songwriting, writing
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Has Hancock Lost Control?
Lyrics (sort of) here.
Tag: coronavirus
Ferrari’s Furlough Fraudsters
He’s dog-whistling up the news
The favourite sport of the populist columnist
From The Currant Bun to The News of the Screws
The chance to scapegoat’s rarely missed
So, ring the show, grass up your neighbours
Hold fast the fruits of your own labours
Pull up the ladder, lock up your daughters
Here come Ferrari’s Furlough Fraudsters
Untitled (7th September 2020)
If you want one of our world-beating tests
Then mate, you’d better have access to a car
While Hancock’s still spouting they’re the best
I’ll tell ya, you’re gonna have to travel far
My mate in north London got Leicester
A fella in Manchester got Dundee
At least my mate went to his (200-mile round trip)
Manchester’s waiting for a better slot to be released
You could, of course, go postal
Wait for the swab kit to hit your mat
There’s limited numbers of those, mind you
So, y’know, good luck with that
The expert said that he’s alarmed
3000 cases and the graph’s contour
The health secretary remained calm
Says work and school is COVID secure (yeah, right)
A busy pub with a Perspex screen
The floor stickers wearing thin (and pretty much ignored)
You can’t mask up when you eat and drink
What’s gonna happen d’you think?
Should I Be Wearing a Mask? Part Six
Your mum, your dad, your aunt, your nan,
The man who drives the Yodel van,
Your uncle Bob and his mate, Stan
And Hassan who’s from Pakistan
All understand
That they shouldn’t have to ask
Their neighbour to put on a mask
Indoors, in shops, or on the train,
In the sunshine or the rain,
In a taxi or a plane
Even if it is a pain,
Even if it feels disposed to smother,
Your face cover
Shows love and respect for one another.
So, don’t be like the deniers,
The conspiracy theory plyers,
The David Icke’s book buyers,
The BUF flag flyers.
Be kind and understand
Like Hassan who’s from Pakistan
Your uncle Bob and his mate, Stan
The man who drives the Yodel van
Your mum, your dad, your aunt and your nan.
A Man With a Fascist Flag
The anti-mask brigade
Were far too easily swayed
By conspiracy theorists
And it’s not real it’s
Just Government lies
And surprise, surprise
A man with a fascist flag
The anti-mask brigade
In Trafalgar Square today
Chanting the virus is a hoax
And laughing at David Icke’s jokes
Were joined by QAnon memes
And alt-right, far right themes
And a man with a fascist flag
The flag that we tore down at Cable Street
That we fought from ’39 to ’45 to defeat
From the International Brigades
We’ll fight to the present day
When we see a man with a fascist flag
The anti-mask brigade
See their freedom ebbing away
Freedom to catch the virus
Freedom to pass it to us
Freedom to believe a lie
Freedom to turn a blind eye
To the man with the fascist flag
The flag that we tore down at Cable Street
That we fought from ’39 to ’45 to defeat
From the International Brigades
We’ll fight to the present day
When we see a man with a fascist flag
The anti-mask brigade
Took Trafalgar Square today
Sanity over madness they spew
While the converse appears true
Joined by anti-Semitic conspiracies
And bad information about the disease
And a man with a fascist flag
The flag that we tore down at Cable Street
That we fought from ’39 to ’45 to defeat
From the International Brigades
We’ll fight to the present day
When we see a man with a fascist flag
They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?
What’s the connection
Between the new head of the National Institute of Health Protection
(Set up in the middle of fighting the infection)
And the Secretary of State for Health and Social Care?
Is there something of which we should be aware?
Well, he’s MP for Newmarket and his campaign was endowed
With lots of money from the horseracing crowd,
While she’s on the board of the Jockey Club
And, ay, there’s the rub,
The Cheltenham Festival
Which you might recall
Went ahead when cancellation was the call
And infected a load of people.
And as head of app-less Test and Trace
(Which isn’t in world-beating first place)
Gave ten billion quid of public dough
To Serco, whose CEO
Is Rupert Soames
From one of the country’s most famous homes
And whose brother Nick, I quote
“Is a main investor in the Tote”.
While Randox, who sponsor Aintree,
Are another company
Awarded considerable public money
With very little scrutiny.
A hundred and thirty-three million pounds, in fact,
Is the value of their contract
For testing kits that didn’t work,
And worse
They pay an eight grand a month fee
For consultancy
To another Tory MP.
At Talk Talk she won the wooden spoon,
Which is coming to Dido’s Test and Trace soon
And she’s head of NHS Improvement as well
As this new role, can you hear the death knell?
Because her husband is on the board of 1828
Who called for PHE to meet its fate
And are advocates for a change in Britain
To an insurance-based healthcare system.
So who’s looking after your health today?
Because this lot shoot horses, don’t they?
Ayanda Capital
Welcome to the Ayanda family
Focussed on investment strategy
We specialise in trading currency
You see
Welcome to the Ayanda family
We specialise in offshore property
And private equity
But we’ve never bought any PPE
How can that be?
Welcome to Ayanda Capital
We’ve no PPE experience at all
But there’s 250 million quid on the table
Some haul
Welcome to Ayanda Capital
Kings of remaining profitable
There’s public money there for us to trawl
And a government advisor that we can give a call
The stakes ain’t small
Here’s Andrew Mills, he’s a member of our board
What he knows about facemasks ain’t been explored
But if there’s money to be made then rest assured
He’s on board
Here’s Andrew Mills our deal deviser
ProsperMills’ influence exerciser
And business advisor
To Liz Truss, Secretary of State, for International Trade
That’s how the deal was made
Now if you think that this ain’t corrupt
Then protest singers might as well give up
And turns out the masks ain’t even good enough
And that’s fucked up
The victims of COVID still regularly cop it
While folks like Ayanda are making a profit
Matt Hancock ain’t gonna do anything to stop it
So if you want to protect the NHS as well
Don’t lose your sense of smell
Local Lockdowns, Part One
Go back to your northern powerhouse homes
Unless you are going to the pub, which you should visit alone,
Or work, which you must not shirk.
No visiting family or friends
Unless, we guess, you work with them
But we say again:
No socialising in houses or gardens
No if’s or but’s or beg your pardon’s,
But if you’re one of the shielding folk
Your rights to help have been revoked
And you should come out, your race is run,
Just try not to come into contact with anyone.
Because Hancock, a politician
At home with confusion and contradiction
Accuses you of a lack of compliance
With his social distancing guidance
And has identified some high-risk zones
So go back to your northern powerhouse homes.
(Living Life on the Lookout for A) Second Wave
I hear they’re talking about a second wave, said Jason
We haven’t really got the first one out of the way
It’s a good job we didn’t take that trip to Spain
I couldn’t afford a fortnight with no pay
And they’re increasing self-isolation to ten days
Isn’t a meal out pretty safe? said Joanna
A pub garden if we all behave?
Do you think that we just need to be a little brave?
You can’t live your life looking out for a second wave
But Jason ain’t going to the pub today
Jason’s still scrutinising what they say
Jason is certain that it’s on its way
He’s living life on the lookout for a second wave
I spoke to my brother the other day, said Jason
They couldn’t afford for work to be locked down again
They’ve agreed that for all of them it’s for the best
That if they get poorly, they won’t get a test
They don’t want to hear what a contact tracer might say
The kids need their holidays, said Joanna
Their friends are all going their separate ways
Do you think that we just need to be a little brave?
You can’t live your life looking out for a second wave
But Jason ain’t going to the pub today
Jason’s still scrutinising what they say
Jason is certain it’s on its way
He’s living life on the lookout for a second wave
The most excess deaths in Europe, said Jason
You’ve gotta listen to what I’ve gotta say
It’s business they care for that’s 100% the case
And they need you to start feeling safe
But they ain’t got nothing in place
The local lockdowns are far away, said Joanna
We could go out before we have to do that all again
Do you think that we just need to be a little brave?
You can’t live your life looking out for a second wave
But Jason ain’t going to the pub today
Jason’s still scrutinising what they say
Jason is certain it’s on its way
He’s living life on the lookout for a second wave
Don’t Cough Over Your Cat
No ads for Maccy D’s before bedtime
No BOGOF on Pringles or Mars Bars or any of that
But that’s not even this evening’s headline
Whatever you do, don’t cough over your cat
Spaffer’s a stone down and fat shaming the nation
Clamping down on promotion of food high in sugar and fat
Obligatory labels for cafes in new legislation
And whatever you do, don’t cough over your cat
He says we owe it to the NHS to keep our weight healthy
I suspect he owes them a bit more than that
Start with 350 million a week, maybe
And please don’t cough over your cat
There are complex ethnic and socioeconomic factors
At play here, but despite all of that
The fight against the virus starts a new chapter
With advice to not cough over your cat
Steve White & The Protest Family 