Eighty years ago
My grandad lived in Walthamstow
He saw the queue for fish and chips
Get blown to bits
By a bomb in World War Two
Hated fascists, like you do
Moved to Clacton in ‘82
Derek lives in his house now
Flies the flag, English and proud
Remembers the war like yesterday
‘Though he weren’t born ‘til ‘53
He left Walthamstow in ‘92
And now he votes for fascists
Like you do
They’re eating the swans says Derek
They’re eating the swans in the Royal Park
Shut up Derek says Margaret
Stop being so daft
I heard it this morning on LBC
Where nothing is true so anything could be
In Clacton, it’s Derek’s take
That fake news is real, and real news is fake
When the MP shares a racist trope
The MP’s that kinda racist bloke
An MP who shares a racist hoax
Then covers his tracks with a just misspoke
Tropes to cover his tracks
Avoiding questions about his tax
And callers on the phone
Asking whose money paid for his Clacton home
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
And Nigel is the type of bloke
Who likes to share a racist trope
As you can see
Meanwhile across the pond
The stories correspond
They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats
Are Donny’s version of the facts
Dropping racist bombs
Makes you wonder where Nigel gets it from
A taxi driver he says
Is where he gets his facts these days
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
And Nigel is the type of bloke
Who likes to share a racist trope
As you can see
They’re bringing in shariah law, says Derek
I heard it on LBC
Nigel’s taxi driver says so
And who am I to disagree
They’re eating the swans says Derek
It’s our MP’s hot take
When nothing is true in Clacton
Fake news is real and real news is fake
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
And Nigel is the type of bloke
Who likes to share a racist trope
As you can see
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be
When nothing is true, anything could be…..
They say that it may have stopped raining
They say the sun might come out
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Giving me doubt
They say that it may have stopped raining
They say that they can clearly see
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me
They say there’s a new skipper at the helm
They say he has a steady hand
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
And we’re still miles from land
They say there’s a new skipper at the helm
They say he takes things seriously
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me
Dark clouds over Clacton
Dark clouds and a stormy sea
There are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me
They say that the day that you see the devil
He steals away a piece of your soul
Now the dark clouds over Clacton
Feel so cold
They say that the day that you see the devil
His laugh will never leave you be
Now there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me
Dark clouds over Clacton
Dark clouds and a stormy sea
There are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me
They say that all we need is a fair wind
A fair wind and a following sea
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me
Frog-faced fascist Farage
Controls the company
Reform UK, well okay
But it’s just the BNP
Andrew p-word Parker
Canvassing in Clacton
Says he’s mates with Nigel
The fascist first team captain
Andrew wants to turn the mosque
Into a Wetherspoons
Reform UK’s at home today
To all the swivel-eyed loons
Homophobe George Jones
Hollers out the nonces
While Farage get a barrage
About his team’s responses
Frog-faced fascist Farage
Says he is dismayed
By the racist bed he made
In which he is now laid
Derek left Chingford
On the 8:29
He’s heading east
To the Essex sunshine
Dreaming a life
Like before he was born
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 8:44
Preferring CO15
To humble E4
The sunshine coast, he says
Is getting pretty warm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 8:58
Tendring bound
He don’t wanna be late
He’s leaving East London
Avoiding the swarm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 9:13
He knows the platform
Where he wants to be seen
He’s checked the forecast
He’s expecting a storm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 9:28
It’s time, he said
To make Clacton great
The folks out there
Know how to conform
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 09:40
Change at Liverpool Street
He’ll be there shortly
He’s voting Reform
Giving Sunak the sack
He’s heading to Clacton
He ain’t coming back
He’s joining the race
He’s got it in the face
‘Spoons is the place
For a milkshake facial
Nigel don’t like it
Tommy tried to fight it
He’s gonna have to wipe it
A milkshake facial
No need to bash
The face of the fash
Just give ‘em a splash
Of a milkshake facial
Armed with bananas
Strawberries and blueberries
Here come the milkshake revolutionaries
Derek thinks that the lockdown’s over
Derek says get on with recovery
Derek’s got the phone-in on the blower
Derek won’t buy anything Chinese
Derek thinks Cummings should’ve got the sack
Derek voted to take control back
Derek has faith in the British public
Derek doesn’t know anyone that’s been sick
Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked
Derek is a fan of strong leadership
Derek now thinks that Johnson will fail
If he supports an advisor who’s a liar, which
Is as welcome in Clacton as a beached whale
Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked
He says if the virus don’t get him, something else will
As he rolls another fag and throws a burger on the grill
Derek says the risks are overrated
But he’ll follow the rules that’ve been promulgated
And he’s a regular caller to the Farage show
From the confines of his seaside bungalow
Nigel says it and Derek agrees
And Derek won’t buy anything Chinese
Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked
Steve White & The Protest Family 