It’s happy hour in The New Austerity Inn And there’s still fighting in town You can’t have it if you can’t afford it Rachel doubles down But two for the price of one When you ain’t got the price of one Ain’t helping anyone And it’s not like she can just print money
It was just the same with George behind the jump Gets a wry nod from the snug Now there was a fella with no idea Of how to run a pub
I spoke to a man who said he was a patriot But he didn’t like the country much He said he wasn’t a racist, but And we really didn’t get past the but Because he was retweeting Robinson And Nigel Fucking Farage A burning hotel in Rotherham And rioters at large
Sweeping up with a hangover I hear he got a sympathetic ear From Nick Ferrari on LBC GB News and Talk TV
Another bloke said well what do you expect When people ain’t got a thing There’s a burning police car outside And it’s happy hour In The New Austerity Inn
It’s happy hour in The New Austerity Inn And a fight’s already broken out If you can’t afford it, you can’t have it Rachel cries, as another brick flies And machetes are drawn in the street outside Someone’s set fire to a police van Someone’s shouting at Keith with a wreath Someone says what about the children A small voice what about the children But the far right are flying the flag And Rachel says God Save The King
Kicked in the head by airport cops While Dujardin flogs her horse For sections of the listenership The horse was worse of course Now she’s not going to the Olympics But the child rapist is What jobs should rapists be allowed Is Thursday’s phone-in quiz On Leading Britain’s Conversation The hang and flog ‘em crowd Who never stop to ask Why Tommy Robinson’s allowed Which leaves it up to us To never let the haters win Leading Britain’s Racists Back to the fuckin’ bin Tapping their fascist toes To Louise Distras, I suppose A far cry from The Factory Floor And The Hand You Hold I suspect this ain’t the album That many folk were sold Don’t give up hope Beryl would remind us It remains a slippery slope
It got him in the ear But was aiming for his head He was up shaking his fist When he could’ve been brown bread Underneath a Secret Service sprawl And the bullet came from his side of the wall
It got him in the ear And he didn’t even duck But some others in the crowd Didn’t have that kind of luck Corey Contemporare took the fall And the bullet came from his side of the wall
It got him in the ear It was a bit tin anyway He’s less of a listener And more I’ll have my say Now he’s a shoe-in for the Whitehouse in the fall And the bullet came from his side of the wall
I hear that it might have stopped raining There’s finally some sun forecast But there are dark clouds over Clacton A break in the weather that may not last
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain That cheap and cheerful really is a money-making game So Vimes cannot afford the boots in which he should be stood But a cheap pair every year cost more than good ones ever would
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick But I want other folk to be At least as well off as me And while I understand the money trick I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain How landlords are the ones who really have it all to gain ‘Cause while you pay their mortgages there’s social housing shortages So you should just be grateful they don’t Section 21
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain How shitting in the river is the ultimate aim Because if selling off the water ain’t enough to make you mad Then selling off the NHS won’t seem half as bad
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick But I want other folk to be At least as well off as me And while I understand the money trick I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain How the 7th of October was the start of the campaign Drones and bombs and missiles are a lucrative supply Just requires the application of a little blind eye
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain That when a foodbank opens up he opens up the champagne Because if the poor feed the poor what is the government for But making rick folk richer than they’ve ever been before
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick But I want other folk to be At least as well off as me And while I understand the money trick I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick But I want other folk to be At least as well off as me And while I understand the money trick I’ll never be as happy as Nick
The last bloke made a right mess of it He always had an excuse Either Covid or the war in Ukraine And we’re left with half a kitchen, and the sink’s still loose
So we’re telling him to sling his hook Going back to the phone book Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages And so We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters The kitchen fitting splitters Surely they’re worth a try They’ll fit your cupboards right And the boss is a knight We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
Keir seemed happy with the budget Said he wasn’t going to fudge it He was only too pleased to assist But a gender-neutral toilet I thought I might’ve spoiled it Got his knickers in a bit of a twist
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters For a side that glitters Surely they’re worth a try They’ll fit your doors right And the boss is a knight We’ve booked them for the 5th of July We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
The last bloke made a right mess of it And always blamed somebody else The Albanian plumber, the Syrian sparks Now we’re left with half a kitchen, and nothing on the shelf
So we’re throwing him off the job And getting in another mob Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages And so We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters The kitchen fitting splitters Surely they’re worth a try They’ll fit your cupboards right And the boss is a knight We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
Keir seemed happy with the work Accepted it with a smirk He was only too pleased to assist But a gender-neutral khazi It coulda got nasty Got his knickers in a bit of a twist
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters For a side that glitters Surely they’re worth a try They’ll fit your doors right And the boss is a knight We’ve booked them for the 5th of July We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
Steve White & The Protest Family 