The man who built the burning house
rubs his hands, his fingers laced
The order for a million more
is ready to be placed
He flexes fists and wrists
like he’s choking the supply
He knows the tricks that keep demand
and profit-making high
New homes for all, the promises
of ministers and kings
The man who built the burning house
is waiting in the wings
Henry parked his tractor in Whitehall
Turned to the camera to explain
My lifestyle is under threat, he said
It’s causing my accountant great pain
The only way to farm this land, he said
Is if your father was a farmer too
And if your granddad owned it before him
Then farming’s what you’re born to do
Like being a millionaire, I thought
The bit that was going unsaid
Why’s the right to own and work the land
Restricted to the born and bred?
Henry and the tractors were holding up traffic
Like Just Stop Oil in tweed caps
Barbour coats and green wellies
A Reform UK uniform, perhaps
Like mustard-trousered Farage
Defending the interests of his class
Henry parked his tractor in Whitehall
What a fucking arse
Build a better mousetrap, people said
And the world will beat a path to your door
So, we built a better mousetrap, like they said
And the fat cats beat a path to our door
People bought our mousetrap, happy to choose
Between a cheaper, worser mousetrap
And a dearer, better mousetrap
That everyone was giving rave reviews
The fat cats were happy, ‘cause they had shares
In our mousetrap firm, but also in theirs
It turns out that moneymen never have to choose
If you have shares in everything, you never lose
But one day they said, those worse mousetraps
You’re gonna have to sell them for more
And the firm that makes the better mousetraps
Will have to make them cheaper than before
Mousetraps soon were all the same price
And none of them were very good at catching mice
But in the boardroom, there was little concern
The fat cats were getting a better return
Now people often could be heard to say
Mousetraps were so much better in my day
Now a mousetrap doesn’t even do what it says
And everything’s just so expensive nowadays
We told the fat cats that people were sad
With worse and better mousetraps both
The fat cats said, well they really should be glad
Because we’ve given them economic growth
Economic growth, they said’s of high import
That’s why it’s always daily in the news
That bit that you ignore just before the sport
It’s the measure that all governments use
Economic growth, that’s all well and good
Economic growth, well that’s nice
But if economic growth is so important
How come it only benefits the mice?
Build a better mousetrap
Build it really nice
Build a better mousetrap
That don’t catch mice
‘Cause catching all the mice
Ain’t a thing we wanna do
We just wanna sell
Mousetraps to you
What you’ve gotta understand is
It ain’t about the mice
What you’ve gotta understand
Take my advice
You wanna sell a thing
That people need to buy again
So here is the trick
My friend
What you’ve gotta understand is
It’s all about the profit
The asset fund manager’s
Fee in their pocket
So if next door builds
A better mousetrap than you
He’s gonna invest
In their mousetrap too
What you’ve gotta understand
Is it doesn’t really matter
If you own a bit of everything
Your wallet gets fatter
And investors don’t care
If you really catch mice
So long as the punters
Are buying your device
Build a better mousetrap, they said, and the world will beat a path to your door.
So, we built a better mousetrap, and investors beat a path to our door. People started buying a better mousetrap and they were happy that they had a choice between a cheaper worse mousetrap and a dearer better mousetrap. And the investors were happy because they also had shares in the worse mousetrap company, so they made money whether people bought a worse mousetrap or a better mousetrap.
But investors like their money to make more money, so they said to the worse mousetrap company, let’s make the worse mousetrap more expensive, and they said to us, let’s make the better mousetrap more cheaply. And that’s what they did, and that what we did, because everybody needs to keep their investors happy.
People still had a choice because choice was important, but now it was between a not so cheap worse mousetrap and a not so good better mousetrap, and they weren’t happy. They said, everything is so expensive these days and, mousetraps were so much better in my day and, the people who make the mousetraps just don’t care, there’s just no craftsmanship anymore, and some even blamed the mice.
But the investors were happy, they’d increased their return. They knew that they couldn’t lose so long as they had shares in the better mousetrap company and the worse mousetrap company.
We told the investors that people weren’t happy, that mousetraps were very expensive now and that they didn’t even catch mice.
The investors said, the people didn’t understand, they should be happy, they have economic growth.
And the government agreed.
With fewer his majesties
There’d be fewer dead
Yet he leads the remembrance
The old soldier said
The symbols that you see
Are there to show you who’s the boss
They know that you’ll comply
With the poppy and the cross
The poppy and the cross
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross
That fella with the wreath, he said
Signs the papers off
To manufacture weapons
For the poppy and the cross
To ship them overseas
For genocide in foreign lands
His jacket wears a poppy
But bloody are his hands
Bloody are his hands
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross
He holds a shepherd’s crook
And he wears a bishop’s hat
The old soldier said to me
What do you make of that
Here to give the slaughter
Some of his pious gloss
Here to lead the prayers
For the poppy and the cross
The poppy and the cross
God and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross
Don’t confuse sacrifice
With being sacrificed
The old soldier spoke
Of the wicked loss of life
King and country, God and crown
Will never count the cost
It’s you and I that die
For the poppy and the cross
The poppy and the cross
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross
The moon shone bright, the frost was cruel
He lived a good league hence
But here to gather winter fuel
Lest he should burn the forest fence
When Wenceslas he did espy
And cried out Sire, why walk you by
And no longer bring me pine logs hither
Ye, who would bless the poor
A Christian man, good and sure
Whose allowance he’s content to wither
Wenceslas, full of grace
Struck the peasant in the face
Then struck again as he lay prone
Admonishing, leave me alone
Therefore, English men be sure
Without rank possessing
Question Wenceslas’s care
And you’ll receive his blessing
In the New Austerity Inn
Where the beer tastes of poverty and spin
Rachel plays a tiny violin
(Singing) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
In the New Austerity Inn
Where old folk aspire for a warm around the fire
Rachel leads the budget choir
(Singing) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The guvnor’s got a new suit, new tie, new boots
He says everything’s reduced
(But) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
It was just like this with George in charge
A bloke at the bar says he voted Farage
And Rachel shouts “Now we’re in charge”
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
(And) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
Tina believed the Big Lie
Now Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
‘Cause Tina broke in to the voting machine
To try to prove that Donald’s hands were clean
But Donald’s hands are dirty as hell
Now Tina’s hands are dirty as well
Now Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
‘Cause Tina believed the Big Lie….(and My Pillow Guy)
Tina and My Pillow Guy
Tina and My Pillow Guy (and the Big Lie)
Tina and My Pillow Guy
Will have to say goodbye
Tina believed in My Pillow Guy
Now Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
‘Cause Tina broke into the voting machine
To try to prove that Donald’s hands were clean
But Donald’s hands are dirty as hell
And Mike’s hands are dirty as well
Now Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
‘Cause Tina believed in My Pillow Guy
Tina and My Pillow Guy
Tina and My Pillow Guy (and the Big Lie)
Tina and My Pillow Guy
Will have to say goodbye
Tina believed the Big Lie
Now Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
Tina broke into the voting machine
To try to prove that Donald’s hands were clean
But Donald’s hands are dirty as hell
Now Tina’s hands are dirty as well
And Tina’s gonna have to let time go by
‘Cause Tina believed the Big Lie
Steve White & The Protest Family 