Tag: Derek

Derek on the 8:29

Derek left Chingford
On the 8:29
He’s heading east
To the Essex sunshine
Dreaming a life
Like before he was born
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 8:44
Preferring CO15
To humble E4
The sunshine coast, he says
Is getting pretty warm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 8:58
Tendring bound
He don’t wanna be late
He’s leaving East London
Avoiding the swarm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 9:13
He knows the platform
Where he wants to be seen
He’s checked the forecast
He’s expecting a storm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 9:28
It’s time, he said
To make Clacton great
The folks out there
Know how to conform
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 09:40
Change at Liverpool Street
He’ll be there shortly
He’s voting Reform
Giving Sunak the sack
He’s heading to Clacton
He ain’t coming back

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Derek Wants His Country Back

Derek wants his country back
It’ll be in the last place that he looks
It won’t be on the bookshelf
Nestled amongst the books
Or in the cupboard under the stairs
Behind the coats on hooks
It won’t be in the kitchen
Being hidden by the cooks
It won’t be wedged in any crannies
Nor in any nooks
It won’t be floating in rivers
Streams, canals or brooks
Or up a tree, cached away
By magpies, crows or rooks
It won’t be missing legitimately
Or stolen by some crooks
Or on holiday in Israel
Staying on a kibbutz
It won’t be waiting patiently
Or on tenterhooks
It won’t be in the hunting lodge
Or on the plain it overlooks
It’s not hovering in helicopters
Be they Sikorskies or Chinooks
Or in the chicken shed
Laying with the chooks
Derek wants his country back
He’s tearing out his hair
But unfortunately for Derek
It was never really there

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , Leave a comment

Derek Joins the Queue

Derek’s in the queue
With a bag of whisky miniatures
He’ll need something warm
To get him through the night
He didn’t think his hip flask
Would make it through security
So long as he’s not too pissed
He should be alright

Derek’s in the queue
With a plastic union jack
But flags are not allowed
So he’ll drop it in the street
A patriotic queue
Should have flags, Derek reckons
A patriotic queue
Should stay on its feet

Derek’s in the queue
And there’s too many tourists
They’re the only reason
There’s a sixteen hour wait
It’s an Englishman’s duty
Not a visitor attraction
To be paying your respects
At a lying in state

Derek’s in the queue
And they’ve given him a wristband
I’m not a bloody number
He muttered to the scout
But it’ll come in handy later
When his bladder starts to fail him
They’ve laid on extra toilets
For his big day out

Derek’s in the queue
He’s being part of history
It’s a big occasion
But he doesn’t understand
Why the folk all around him
Are making new queue buddies
Talking to other people
Wasn’t something that he’d planned

Derek’s in the queue
She’s been the Queen all his life
But he’s not a fan of Big Ears
Or Big Ears’s wife
Or Sweaty Andy for that matter
Or failed soldier Eddie
But he reckons that Harry
Might be alright

Derek’s in the queue
And he’s getting cold and tired
But no one likes to say
They might’ve made a big mistake
In the morning he’ll be done
And on a train back to Clacton
With a story for his grandkids
And his good-for-nothing mates

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , Leave a comment

Derek Won’t Wear a Mask

“It’s unconstitutional” Derek proclaims
With absolute authority.
“It’s an attack on my civil liberties,
This isn’t why the majority
Voted for Boris, it’s an outrage,
It’s halfway to wearing a burqa.
I’m not putting my face in a fabric cage
Like a nurse or a care home worker.
What are you, scared? Of a little flu?
Your argument’s full of if’s and but’s.
It ain’t much longer than a week or two
Since Johnson told you to have the guts
To get back to normal, and normal it ain’t
To be ordered to cover your face
And that the basis of my complaint:
We never needed ‘em in the first place.
It’s not supported by the science, you’re wrong
It’s a monstrous imposition
And I’ll tell you what, it won’t be long
Until they’re back with another condition,
‘Cos it’s an exercise in mind control
Manipulating the sheeple
With a very simple goal:
To sleepwalk you into the unspeakable.
It’s a free country and I should be free
To allow my patriotic face to be seen.
We didn’t win two world wars
And one world cup……
And anyway, it’s a bit uncomfortable
And it makes my glasses steam up”.

by Categories: COVID-19, poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Derek and the Germans

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
Derek’s bursting with national pride
He doesn’t want us to be the worst ‘uns
He doesn’t want to count how many died

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
Derek reckons they’re due a second wave
He’s a flags and statues kinda person
With a blind eye for the failing UK

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
It’s patriotic, he explains
It’s your country of birth that determines
Who you support come what may

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
And women too by using that phrase
It’s another of Derek’s little sermons
And Angela’s getting it both ways

And I don’t suppose Derek will ever see
A pragmatic centrist such as she
Is exactly the politician that he craves
If he could only see past the flag he waves

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
Derek voted conservative
Derek’s vote helped determine
The pandemic mess that we’re now in

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment