Category: Lyrics

Another Day, Another Press Conference

Can we have the first slide please?
It’s Hancock so it must be Thursday
But it could be Monday or Tuesday
It’s another day but the same disease

Can we have the first slide please?
This one shows lies, as you can see
It continues to rise, exponentially
It’s our one area of expertise

Can we have the first slide please?
It’s Hancock so it must be Thursday
But it could be Monday or Tuesday
It’s another day but the same disease

Can we have the next one please?
This one shows complacency
That we’ll display quite shamelessly
While easing the lockdown aimlessly

Can we have the first slide please?
It’s Hancock so it must be Thursday
But it could be Monday or Tuesday
It’s another day but the same disease

And here’s what the data tells us
With the scientists here to help us
It was business that compelled us
To let the virus overwhelm us

Can we have the final slide?
The one that shows how many died
The one that lacks the interventions
The one with all the unanswered questions

Can we have the first slide please?
It’s Hancock so it must be Thursday
But it could be Monday or Tuesday
It’s another day but the same disease

 

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Edward Colston 1636-1721 (He’s in the River Now)

How’s your anosmia?
How are your critical faculties?
How’s your sense of taste and smell?
Can you face up to some realities?
Have you worked out why black lives matter yet?
Why Colston’s head had to hit the deck?
He’s in the river now

The man made his money out of trading slaves
Imagine walking past that every day
Imagine living in a society
That still celebrates guys like these
So have you worked out why black lives matter yet?
Why Colston’s head had to hit the deck?
He’s in the river now

How’s your anosmia?
How’s your critical thinking?
How’s your sense of taste and smell?
Is George Floyd’s death starting to sink in?
Have you worked out why black lives matter yet?
Why Colston’s head had to hit the deck?
He’s in the river now

Oh you only like protest that’s achingly polite
You don’t like it when police and protesters fight
It doesn’t matter to you who brought the provocation
It’s enough to fuel your indignation
You’ve stopped worrying if black lives matter yet
You’re mad that Colston’s head has hit the deck
Well, he’s in the river now

The man made his money out of trading slaves
Imagine walking past that every day
Imagine living in a society
That still celebrates guys like these
So have you worked out why black lives matter yet?
Why Colston’s head had to hit the deck?
He’s in the river now

Sometimes you don’t get by asking nicely
Even if you frame your demands precisely
Sometimes the state will respond with violence
If they disapprove of your lack of silence
Have you worked out why black lives matter yet?
Why Colston’s head had to hit the deck?
He’s in the river now

The man made his money out of trading slaves
Imagine walking past that every day
Imagine living in a society
That still celebrates guys like these
So have you worked out why black lives matter yet?
Why Colston’s head had to hit the deck?
He’s in the river now

 

by Categories: Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Here’s the New Normal

 

You’ll need a big fridge to hide Johnson in,
You’ll need a much bigger one for the trail of bodies that he’s left behind.
The worst prime minister in history
Tells parliament to consider the carnage to be a source of pride.

Don’t ask about the new normal,
The new normal is worried about breathing,
The new normal is a daily government briefing
To announce how many they killed today
And didn’t they all do well, hooray!

Here’s the new normal.

You’ll need a big fridge to hide Johnson in
But there’s a circus of liars to fill in the gaps while he runs and hides.
To tell you all how well they’re all doing
With the death toll rising nicely pictured on coloured slides.

Don’t ask about the new normal,
The new normal is worried about breathing,
The new normal is a daily government briefing,
To announce how many they killed today
And didn’t they all do well, hooray!

Here’s the new normal.

Turning people into bodies,
Turning bodies into numbers,
Turning numbers into charts,
Turning charts into soundbites,
Turning soundbites into slogans,
Here’s the new normal.

Don’t ask about the new normal,
The new normal is worried about breathing,
The new normal is a daily government briefing,
To announce how many they killed today
And didn’t they all do well, hooray!

Here’s the new normal.

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

8 Minutes 46 Seconds

It took eight minutes and forty-six seconds
For Derek Chauvin to kill George Floyd
Black folks killed by racist police
A conversation that the nation can no longer avoid

Having to explain why black lives matter
To the colour-blinds and the don’t-want-to-listens
While righteous anger boils over in the streets
‘Cos it’s not even equality, it’s a fight for existence

The Racist-in-Chief threatens vicious dogs
Accompanied by ominous weapons
Summoning the far-white militia crowd
A long hot summer definitely beckons

From Blackout Tuesday to Stand Up Wednesday
How many deaths? How much longer?
From burn it up to resist the clampdown
Take a knee, together we’re stronger

It took eight minutes and forty-six seconds
For Derek Chauvin to kill George Floyd
Who wants to argue that oppression of a black man
Protects the status quo by which he’s employed?

Having to explain why black lives matter
To the colour-blinds and the head-in-the-sanders
Hiding behind all lives matter
Happy to be disapproving bystanders

The Racist-in-Chief threatens the National Guard
Accompanied by heavy arms
A nod and a wink to the KKK
Hands up don’t shoot still won’t prevent harm

From Blackout Tuesday to Stand Up Wednesday
How many deaths? How much longer?
From burn it up to resist the clampdown
Take a knee, together we’re stronger

A solidarity message from the football club
Sentiments you share with your mates down the pub
Be honest about privilege, be honest about race
Together we can make the world a better place

It took eight minutes and forty-six seconds
For Derek Chauvin to kill George Floyd
A simple demand to lend your voice
And end to racism, justice for George

by Categories: Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Derek

Derek thinks that the lockdown’s over
Derek says get on with recovery
Derek’s got the phone-in on the blower
Derek won’t buy anything Chinese

Derek thinks Cummings should’ve got the sack
Derek voted to take control back
Derek has faith in the British public
Derek doesn’t know anyone that’s been sick

Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked

Derek is a fan of strong leadership
Derek now thinks that Johnson will fail
If he supports an advisor who’s a liar, which
Is as welcome in Clacton as a beached whale

Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked

He says if the virus don’t get him, something else will
As he rolls another fag and throws a burger on the grill
Derek says the risks are overrated
But he’ll follow the rules that’ve been promulgated

And he’s a regular caller to the Farage show
From the confines of his seaside bungalow
Nigel says it and Derek agrees
And Derek won’t buy anything Chinese

Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Barbecue Season

I’ve been waiting so long
But now I’m asking myself
How patient am I supposed to be?
Pacing the floor in
This place we call home
That’s starting to feel like captivity

There’s a dent in the chair
Where I sit all day
It’s what’s called working from home
Answer an email
Go internet shopping
Making the most of your furlough

The smoke in the air says
It’s barbecue season
But I don’t really want to eat
Invite your six friends
Into the garden
To try to stay apart six feet

The voice on the telly
Spoke the new normal
Whatever that’s supposed to be
Getting too used to
The dead and the dying
Is that what they mean by Level 3?

The smoke in the air says
It’s barbecue season
But I don’t really want to eat
Invite your six friends
Into the garden
To try to stay apart six feet

My neighbour said
I should be at work
Like Nick Ferrari on LBC
Suck it up
Don’t be lazy
Roll up your sleeves for the economy

The smoke in the air says
It’s barbecue season
But I don’t really want to eat
Invite your six friends
Into the garden
To try to stay apart six feet

The smoke in the air says
It’s barbecue season
But I don’t really want to eat
I really don’t see
How we’re gonna do it
How are we gonna stay apart six feet?

 

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Hey, Dido!

Hey Dido,
How’s the track and trace going?
We hear that your site crashed on its very first day.
And Dido, we hear that you were supposed to get the app first anyway.
Dido, are you covering for Dom? You weren’t supposed to start ‘til Monday

Hey Dido,
How’s the track and trace going?
We hear that your staff have had very little training
After you got them in with your last-minute recruitment campaigning
And Dido, you must know that public confidence is waning?

Hey Dido,
How’s the track and trace going?
We hear that you’re gonna be the one to blame
And Dido, who was it that came up with that awful name?
You must know that most people fail at the Whackamole game

Hey Dido,
How’s the track and trace going?
Is it true you have no medical expertise?
But Dido, you were CEO of a telecoms company
And Dido, is it true that you’re married to a Tory MP?

Damn

 

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Dominic Ran Away (Again)

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

Dominic kept running ‘til he got to Durham Town
In defiance of the rule of law and the lockdown
With his wife and his son, they hit the motorway
So, who did Dominic infect along the way?

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

On the 30th of March they said that he was ill
With a fortnight’s isolation at home to fulfil
Now, in Westminster the rules are all well known
But soon he was sighted at his parents’ home

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

His wife said he lay doggo and his muscles they did twitch
But was silent on the secret of their location switch
Ten days of fever and of lockdown fourteen
But on the 12th he was in Barnard Castle seen

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

Soon fit and well he was back at Downing Street
Assuming that his trip up north had been discreet
But another demonstration that he holds you in disdain
He was seen on the 19th back in Durham Town again

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

 

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Swimming With Sharks

The scientists had a meeting
Away from SAGE and Cummings’ aides
We’re logical folk unaccustomed to cheating
But there’s some things we need to say

Did you hear Therese Coffey the other day
“If the advice was wrong, it’s ‘cos the science was wrong”
Colleagues that just isn’t OK
It’s time for us to start being strong

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

Not just her, they’re all the same
Hancock keeps saying he followed the science
Here it comes: The blame game
They’re going to claim innocent compliance

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

So, who here wants to take the blame
For the care home catastrophe?
Because it’s us they’ll happily defame
But it wasn’t you and it wasn’t me

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

We’re up against the spin machine
We’ll need a slogan to survive
One that won’t keep their hands clean
Here’s one we can try:

Scientists advise, politicians decide
Scientists advise, politicians decide
Scientists advise, politicians decide
Scientists advise, politicians decide

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

(Anyone got the number of a marine biologist?)

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Five Tests

Joanna’s trying to listen to the press conference
Jason’s chatting ‘bout Brexit but it’s getting tense
Quiet she says before I lose my tolerance
I don’t understand this rule
I don’t want Mum going back to work in that school

He says it’s just another day to bury bad news
If you were in Ireland, you might have a different view
If we don’t pay attention there’s a lot to lose
She says I can’t think about that now it’s cruel
I’m too worried ‘bout Mum going back to that school

Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met

You know her health’s not good but she’s not protected
So, you’ll forgive me if I’m a little disconnected
Heaven help her if she got infected
And she can only see her grandkids on Zoom
But they’re making her go back to work in that school

Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met

He said yeah, I hear you I know what they’re like
They’ll risk the economy against a second spike
Hopefully the teachers will all go on strike
Don’t listen to that Dowden fool
No one wants your mum back to work in that school
(Not ‘til she’s ready)

Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met
Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , 1 Comment