Chingford residents News

“They’re a different type of immigrant,” says Jean,
“They’re not here to graft, to care, to cook or clean.”
“They’re smuggled here for profit,”
“And someone ought to stop it.”
“Our tiny island’s full,” she vents her spleen.

And Barbara chimes, “They’re all illegal too.”
“Not behaving like the genuine ones would do.”
“We don’t want the ones like these,”
“In their virus-ridden dinghies.”
Her vote, you guess, is a Priti, Tory blue.

The hardened hearts of Chingford all refer,
To the Mail Online and Johnson’s veiled slur
On London’s current mayor,
Makes you wonder and despair
What type of immigrant they think his parents were.

And if you really must read the article in the Mail Online….

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Let the Bodies Pile High

James Dyson’s tax bill, Cameron and Greensill
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Hancock’s sister’s company, Jennifer Arcuri
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Sixty grand wallpaper, the Barnard Castle caper
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Wincanton’s LFTs, being accused of sleaze
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, Spaffer’s battle cry
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands

Big contract awards, in the Commons and the Lords
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Ayanda Capital, nothing wrong with that at all
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Randox and Serco, racing’s where the money goes
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Nothing here to see, no public inquiry
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, Spaffer’s battle cry
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands

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Colin, the COVID Cat

Colin the cat caught a cough.
A new persistent cough
That Colin the cat couldn’t shake off.
Because Colin was a Covid cat.
Because of the food chain and all that.
Because humans got it from bats
And the humans fed the cats.

Chloe, the keeper of cats,
Noticed Colin coughing, said “What’s all that”
“A coughing cat?”
Dialled 111 to speak to someone
But couldn’t get Colin a Covid test done.
They said, “Your best bet is to try the vets”
“We don’t do a Covid test for pets”

And Chloe, the keeper of cats,
Said, “Why do I pay my tax?”
“And my National Insurance and that”
“If I can’t get a Covid test for my cat?”
“He’s not a pangolin or a bat.”
“It’s discrimination, it’s a bitter pill”
“That you get a vet’s bill when the cat is ill.”

So Chloe cat-keeper used a mobile device
To access some free internet advice
About what to do with a persistent cough
That Colin the cat couldn’t shake off
With no cat cough medicine to quaff.
And much to Colin’s frustration
Chloe put Colin in isolation

Colin the cat, in Covid jail
To protect cats more vulnerable and frail
Will use a life to tell this tale
Of Colin, the coughing Covid cat,
Victim of the food chain and all that
Because the humans ate the pangolins and bats
And the humans fed the cats.

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Spaffed

Let’s paint it blue,
Draped with union jacks
But Spaffer’s West Wing
Just got the axe
He said “They wanna hear me”
But doubt got in his head
And now Allegra needs
Another job instead

Her’s got spaffed

Spaffed! There goes your taxpayer pound
Spaffed! By Bozo the Clown
He Spaffed on the bus, he spaffed in space
He Spaffed on Dido’s track and Dido’s trace

Let’s build a bridge
Bedecked with flowers
Take what’s theirs
And make it ours
We’ll host bridge parties,
Corporate jollies
Another of Johnson’s
Corporate follies

It got spaffed

Spaffed! There goes your taxpayer pound
Spaffed! By Bozo the Clown
He Spaffed on the bus, he spaffed in space
He Spaffed on Dido’s track and Dido’s trace

Let’s build an island
In the middle of the Thames
For planes to take off
And to land again
Like many of his ideas
This one was crap
Four million quid later,
Boris Island got scrapped

It got Spaffed

Spaffed! There goes your taxpayer pound
Spaffed! By Bozo the Clown
Spaffed on the bus, spaffed in space
Spaffed on Dido’s track and Dido’s trace

Let’s paint it blue,
Draped in Union Jacks
Let’s paint it blue,
Draped in Union Jacks
Let’s paint it blue, draped in Union Jacks
And bury the news that it’s been spaffed
Spaffed

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An Old Man Dies

The woman in the million-pound hat
Lost her husband.
I’m sure she’s sad about that.
I mean,
He started courting her
When she was thirteen.
Thirteen?!
Well, it was different then,
Men could be men,
And have fascist chums,
And shoot tigers with guns.
And wealth and privilege allowed him
To not grow up with the world around him,
Which he toured, by yacht and by jet
Being racist to many of the folk he met
Who won’t be sorry that his race is run
And won’t be tuning in to BBC1.

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Not That Fox

He hates this city so much that he wants to be its mayor
A cathedral of understanding that we need equality, we need to be fair
He’s come to unlock an open door
He’s come to fight in a culture war
He’s smoking in the sun on an open topped bus
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Free to speak his mind
Free to be unkind
Free to be intertwined
With Tommy Robinson’s kind
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s a racist

He hates this city so much that he wants to be its mayor
Reclaim his right to white privilege, blue eyes and blond hair
He’s here to stand up for statuery
He’s here to stand up when you’re taking the knee
He’s smoking in the sun on an open topped bus
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Free to delay the vaccine
Free to be casually mean
Free to be the latest seen
On the Farage libertarian scene
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s a racist

He’s a fox that we’re not on the side of
What he talks is definitely wide of
Right, whose right, what right, his right
Right, whose right, what right, his right
Right, whose right, what right, his right
Right, whose right, what right, his right

Here’s a fox that we’re not on the side of

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Ten Out of Ten

Spaffer and Jennifer
On the sofa
When Marina was out

Spaffer and Jennifer
Reading Macbeth
Before making out

Spaffer and Jennifer
Sending him pictures
With her titties out

Spaffer and Jennifer taking trips abroad
Spaffer and Jennifer committing fraud

But Spaffer got to mark his own homework again
And Spaffer gave himself ten out of ten

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
He marked his own homework
And got ten out of ten

Police on the common
At the vigil
Pushing women about

Police on the common
Pushing women about
With their truncheons out

Police on the common
Keeping the peace
Until the lights go out

Her Majesty’s Inspector looked hard and long
Her Majesty’s Inspector says they did nothing wrong

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
He marked his own homework
And got ten out of ten

The Commission on Race
And Ethnic Disparity
Report came out

The Commission said
It was a youthful
Idealistic shout

The Commission said
Now there’s nothing
To worry about

The Commission said they’d looked hard and long
The Commission said BLM had got it wrong

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
He marked his own homework
And got ten out of ten

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
When he marks his own homework
He gets ten out of ten

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Respect

Let’s drape a flag over every rough sleeper
Wave one at every asylum seeker
Fly one proudly on every food bank
Use Union Jack tissues to blow your nose
Let’s place our hands over our hearts
Whenever the national anthem starts
And belt out the first half dozen words
Replacing the rest with der-der-ders

And show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
If you don’t show respect what could happen next?

Let’s demonstrate our loyalties
By being mean to refugees
Daub the job centre red, white and blue
Hand plastic flags to the soup kitchen queue
Let’s place our hands over our hearts
Whenever the national anthem starts
And belt out the first half dozen words
Replacing the rest with der-der-ders

And show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
If you don’t show respect what could happen next?

Cos if you don’t show respect
You might start thinking about what’s actually going on around you
One in 445 dead
A roadmap, where will it end?
From feudalism to cronyism via capitalism

And der-der-der the national anthem

And show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
If you don’t show respect what could happen next?

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