Perfectly Decent

As crass as Johnson’s letterbox
As nasty as GB News
As hateful as Douglas Murray
As ugly as Suella’s views

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

Like a speech from the Right Honourable Member
For Northeast Somerset
From Bournemouth to Blackpool Council
They’re as bad as you will get

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

From Enoch Powell’s rivers of blood
To Thatcher’s apartheid friend
From swarm and invasion to describe immigration
To the hostile environment

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

So who needs Tommy Robinson
Who needs the Britain First crowd
Who needs Reform, who needs Reclaim
When the Tories are saying it loud

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
But they’re just racist

Nelson

In the kingdom of the blind
A one-eyed man is king
He wears a tricorn hat
And his right arm’s just a sling
They’ll pickle him in brandy
When his last race is run
And he’s shagging Lady Hamilton
In a pub they call The Gun

His pals in the West Indies
Are keen on keeping slaves
That damnable Wilberforce
Our one-eyed hero raves
I’ll fight him with both arm and tongue
The lifestyle he betrays
I’m old school colonialist
And Britannia rules the waves

In the kingdom of the blind
A one-eyed man is king
He wears a tricorn hat
And his right arm’s just a sling
One day there’ll be a column
Upon which he’ll proudly stand
And the blind eye will be ours
In this green and pleasant land

Susan Hall

Will London elect a racist mayor
In Susan, who doesn’t care
For carnival, says it’s hell
Is anti-#BLM as well
And in supporting Donald Trump
Tried to give Sadiq the hump

Susan, known to opine
On black folks and the cause of crime
Says she will hunt down and lock up
With a special team set up

Safer With Susan the tagline screams
Makes you wonder from whom she means

Derek Wants His Country Back

Derek wants his country back
It’ll be in the last place that he looks
It won’t be on the bookshelf
Nestled amongst the books
Or in the cupboard under the stairs
Behind the coats on hooks
It won’t be in the kitchen
Being hidden by the cooks
It won’t be wedged in any crannies
Nor in any nooks
It won’t be floating in rivers
Streams, canals or brooks
Or up a tree, cached away
By magpies, crows or rooks
It won’t be missing legitimately
Or stolen by some crooks
Or on holiday in Israel
Staying on a kibbutz
It won’t be waiting patiently
Or on tenterhooks
It won’t be in the hunting lodge
Or on the plain it overlooks
It’s not hovering in helicopters
Be they Sikorskies or Chinooks
Or in the chicken shed
Laying with the chooks
Derek wants his country back
He’s tearing out his hair
But unfortunately for Derek
It was never really there

Bibby Stockholm

Refugees on barges
Jeering little Farages
When Britannia ruled the waves
James Bibby was transporting slaves
Meanwhile humanitarians
Are Nick Ferrari’s enemy

Refugees on prison ships
Suella’s bag of cruel tricks
Singing Rule Britannia
Let’s make you all unhappier
Somewhere there’s a statue
That needs chucking in the sea

Rat Run Rishi

Rat Run Rishi’s put his foot to the floor
Rat Run Rishi loves the motorist more
Low traffic neighbourhoods, he doesn’t think we should
He’s bringing high traffic back to the neighbourhood
Where we’ve got shit in the water, grit in the air
We’ve got the top down, got the wind in our hair
The freedom of the highway, the myth that sells you cars
While the freedom of the skies is his, not ours
‘Cause Rishi’s commute is in a luxury chopper
Not in the morning rush like your average shopper
Meanwhile in the countryside, his kids breathe clean, fresh air
He’s on the side of motorists, Rishi doesn’t care

Reviewed by Attila the Stockbroker in the Morning Star

Leyton Orient’s house band Steve White and the Protest Family, truly radical folk with fire in their souls … deliver the goods with Trickledown Town, a ranting, dancing howl of rage at the state of the Tory nation…The royal family get nailed, the “anti-woke” right-wing media get nailed and a host of downtrodden characters get upbeat support.

Read the full article here.

Reviewed by The Rocking Magpie

What I do like though are the punchy and vibrant Dead End Friends and the crackling Supersonic, which is no relation to the Oasis song of the same title; but I think Noel wishes he could still write a song as insightful as this is.

You can read the full review here.

Farage vs Coutts, Round Two

He was a broker, not a banker
Now the bank thinks he’s a wanker
(An easy rhyme, from time to time
Is not a crime, if so inclined)
But don’t shower them with applause
When they also bank the Ingram-Moores
Who used the Captain Tom Foundation
To fund their own recreation
And tried to build a swimming pool
Not a hospital or school
‘Til subject to overwhelming
Social media ridicule
But to the case in hand
Bank-less racist Brexit man
Who’s crying, woe is me
The wokerati, I’m cancelled see
‘Cause there’s reputational damage
To be linked with folk like Farage*

*He hates it when you pronounce it like that