They’re packing up their space rockets and leaving
Britain is bleeding billionaires
But they can’t take their fixed assets with them
So nobody but Rachel really cares
Month: January 2025
Growth
She blames it on the bats
She blames it on the newts
She blames it on the NIMBYs
And their neighbourhood disputes
She blames it on the folk
Who don’t want her to succeed
She blames it on the growth
Of a protected species
She blames it on the planners
And people in The South
She says we look like lunatics
The things we care about
She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth
She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth
She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better
She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better
She says be more like Donald
Who says everything is great
She says she would be honoured
If he would be her mate
She blames it on the newts
She blames it on the bats
He blames it on the immigrants
Who eat dogs and cats
She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth
She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth
She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better
She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better
She wants growth
She needs GDP
Without it she’ll have to tax
The super-wealthy
Fascist By The Numbers
Elon is a fascist, who knew?
Does that mean that Donald is a fascist too?
Well, let’s count the ways, starting at one
Does he keep the company of fascist chums?
That’s a given, what about two?
Does he blame people who don’t look like me and you?
Absolutely! The enemy
Simultaneously powerful and weak, at three
At four, the opposition
Who he keeps threatening to put in prison
A messianic hero, at five
An assassin’s bullet and he’s still alive
Okay, but what about six?
Does Donald have any other fascist tricks?
Plenty, like the cult of tradition
Typical of a man in his position
Six? Okay, now is that all you’ve got?
At seven his obsession that there’s some kind of plot
You must remember QAnon and all that jazz
Conspiracies like every good fascist has
At eight, action, for action’s sake
“It’s gonna be beautiful”, is Donald’s take
With macho, macho weapons at any excuse
He already said he’s gonna let all hell break loose
If another nation doesn’t tow the line
Which, if I count correctly, brings us up to nine
Authoritarian, that’s in at ten
At eleven, gender limited to women and men
Twelve, there’s no sitting on the fence
Anyone not for him is counted as against
Thirteen? Well, he’s a populist
And fourteen is the end of Umberto’s list
Is Donald a fascist? Let’s count the ways
Brace yourselves people for dark, dark days
If We Had Won The War
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
We’d all have homes for heroes, provided by the state
Free healthcare at point of need, without having to wait
Refuge for the needy and the poor
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
We’d want for nowt, and never need for more
One nation under God
Even if you think that’s odd
And everybody welcome at our shore
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
Working would never be a chore
We’d all know fair is fair
And millionaires would pay their share
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
The Devil
I heard The Devil speaking in a pub by the sea
I heard The devil speaking on the BBC
I heard The Devil speaking every day on Fox News
I heard The Devil say he’s got a long list of things to do
(So hold fast)
I saw The Devil sliding into the house
I saw The Devil striding into the house
I heard The Devil speaking, he was loud and proud
I saw The Devil speaking, he drew a helluva crowd
(So hold fast)
The greatest trick he Devil ever pulled
The greatest trick that had us all fooled
The greatest trick said we don’t believe
And we all blamed each other for his devilry
(So hold fast)
I saw a queue of rich men, all on bended knee
I saw a queue of rich men, from Africa to NYC
There to pledge allegiance, hey The Devil and me
There to pledge allegiance, what can The Devil do for me?
(Better hold fast)
I heard The Devil play guitar from Nashville Tennessee
I heard The Devil launching his own currency
I heard that there’s abuse for which the Devil is liable
I heard The Devil publishes his own version of the Bible
(So hold fast)
The greatest trick…
I heard The Devil saying all hell will break loose
Now that The Devil is free from the calaboose
I heard The Devil saying “fight, fight, fight”
I heard The Devil saying that mortals shouldn’t have rights
(So hold fast)
The greatest trick…
Happy Hour is Over
Happy hour is over.
Rachel surveys the thinning crowd from behind the bar of The New Austerity Inn. “I thought it would be better than this,” she says to no one in particular.
The locals have taken to calling her “Rachel the Barmaid”. They don’t think that she’s qualified to run the pub on her own. She might have pinned her certificate to the wall, but she’s still done nothing about the dire offering on tap.
Meanwhile, outside the Wetherspoons, a man in mustard trousers hides a glass of Chablis behind “a pint of your finest ale”, lights a cigarette, and waits.
President I Told You So
President I Told You So
With Cali-forn-i-a aglow
When fire hydrants didn’t flow
He blamed it on the fish
President I Told You So
A climate change denier, so
With Califor-ni-ay aglow
Really took the piss
I told you so
I told you so
President I Told You So
Is putting on a show
President I Told You So
Said Greenland is the place to go
I’ve got an army, don’t you know
The Dane’s I’ll simply overthrow
And Panama, if you please
It’s being run by the Chinese
So, on your knees, cough up the keys
To the good ol’ US of….oh…..
Hail to the chief
Armed to the teeth
He’s got a beef
With the Chinese, the Mexicans
The Danes and all the rest of ‘em
Hail to the chief
Beyond belief
He’ll smack you with the tariffs
And he’ll smack you in the teeth
Burn, Baby, Burn
Voices from a dying planet
The future featured on TV
In a world where only rich the folk have it
Fire’s an inevitability
And it’s getting close to the Hollywood sign
While vox pops on the evening news
Say there’s plenty in the ocean
Can’t they just jump in their pools
The President Elect
The President Elect – get this
The President Elect
He’s blaming the fish
Burn, baby, burn
An unwillingness to learn
Burn, baby, burn
An unwillingness to turn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
A blazing morning of hope, James said
The next day it’s all gone
James is blaming the liberals
James won’t listen to this song
Drill, baby, drill
Vote for who you will
Burn, baby, burn
An unwillingness to learn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
While they’re pulling overnighters
Elon blames the firefighters
Who have said for months
It could all catch fire at once
And it turns out that water
Won’t often flow uphill
It turns out The Wonderful Company
Makes the bitterest pill
It turns out that water
Ain’t in plentiful supply
You might ignore the changes
But the climate’s mighty dry
Burn, baby, burn
An unwillingness to learn
Burn, baby, burn
An unwillingness to turn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
Coming Soon…
Hold Fast
We turned them back in Walthamstow
Then turned them back again
We turned them back so hard
That we made the News at Ten
So come the Farage Riots
In our thousands, we held fast
In Walthamstow, across the land
We said, they shall not pass
Steve White & The Protest Family 