Tag: songwriting

The Jolly Capitalist

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That cheap and cheerful really is a money-making game
So Vimes cannot afford the boots in which he should be stood
But a cheap pair every year cost more than good ones ever would

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How landlords are the ones who really have it all to gain
‘Cause while you pay their mortgages there’s social housing shortages
So you should just be grateful they don’t Section 21

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How shitting in the river is the ultimate aim
Because if selling off the water ain’t enough to make you mad
Then selling off the NHS won’t seem half as bad

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How the 7th of October was the start of the campaign
Drones and bombs and missiles are a lucrative supply
Just requires the application of a little blind eye

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That when a foodbank opens up he opens up the champagne
Because if the poor feed the poor what is the government for
But making rick folk richer than they’ve ever been before

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

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Kier’s Kitchens

The last bloke made a right mess of it
He always had an excuse
Either Covid or the war in Ukraine
And we’re left with half a kitchen, and the sink’s still loose

So we’re telling him to sling his hook
Going back to the phone book
Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages
And so
We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
The kitchen fitting splitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your cupboards right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

Keir seemed happy with the budget
Said he wasn’t going to fudge it
He was only too pleased to assist
But a gender-neutral toilet
I thought I might’ve spoiled it
Got his knickers in a bit of a twist

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
For a side that glitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your doors right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

The last bloke made a right mess of it
And always blamed somebody else
The Albanian plumber, the Syrian sparks
Now we’re left with half a kitchen, and nothing on the shelf

So we’re throwing him off the job
And getting in another mob
Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages
And so
We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
The kitchen fitting splitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your cupboards right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

Keir seemed happy with the work
Accepted it with a smirk
He was only too pleased to assist
But a gender-neutral khazi
It coulda got nasty
Got his knickers in a bit of a twist

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
For a side that glitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your doors right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

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Eat the Rich

Do you wanna go
Where Rousseau goes?
Do you want a plate of de Witt?
When there’s nothing to eat
There is one meat
Just redistributed a bit
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Musk medaillons
With Bezos bouillon
Do you want a Zuckerberg chop?
Bring a fork
I hear it tastes like pork
A billionaire escalope
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

What the Dickens
Such slim pickin’s
A visit from Marley’s ghost
Give Tiny Tim sauce
For a Scrooge main course
And his chitterlings on toast
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Stuff your face
With Murdoch steak
Dine on some Windsor mince
A delicious spread
Of billionaire sweetbread
Food fit from a prince
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Juice trickles down
From wallet and crown
Get a spoon and get stuck in
A feast for all
Big or small
It’s time to tuck in
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

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Rwanda Bound

His dad was Greek
His mum Palestinian
Born in Turkey
He grew up a Syrian

He’s a man of fighting age

He’s handy with a sword
He’s on a small boat
Coming over here
Red cross white coat

He’s a man of fighting age

But it’s alright, it’s okay
He’s leaving the country on the first plane

He law says it’s safe and sound
Just needs assent of the crown
He’s a man of fighting age
St George is Rwanda-bound

They stuck him on a barge
In Portland harbour
Lobbying hard
For his departure

He’s a man of fighting age

A soldier
In a foreign army
We’re not racist
To say this are we

He’s a man of fighting age

But it’s alright, it’s okay
He’s leaving the country on the first plane

He law says it’s safe and sound
Just needs assent of the crown
He’s a man of fighting age
St George is Rwanda-bound

The locals don’t like
Dragon slaying
Don’t like
What the dragon farmer’s paying

He’s a man of fighting age

A catholic country
This one ain’t
We ain’t the type
To venerate a saint

He’s a man of fighting age

But it’s alright, it’s okay
He’s leaving the country on the first plane

He law says it’s safe and sound
Just needing assent of the crown
He’s a man of fighting age
St George is Rwanda-bound

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Five a Day

Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
They’re gonna make sure that you get your five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Five a day – they’ll always find a way to make you pay
Five a day – while the rich folk always get their way
Five a day – if there’s a plan for this, let’s get it underway
It’s time to do something about the five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
They’re gonna make sure that you get your five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Anger is the power that you need to make a change
Frustration is the reason that you’re feeling this way
Alienation – it’s why we’re all here
Disillusionment – well, that’s pretty clear
Pain – it’s time to make the pain go away
Pain – it’s time to make the pain go away
Pain – it’s time to make the pain go away
It’s time to do something about the five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Five a day – they’ll always find a way to make you pay
Five a day – while the rich folk always get their way
Five a day – if there’s a plan for this, let’s get it underway
It’s time to do something about the five a day

It’s time to do something about the five a day

Five a day

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Put Up Shut Up Britain Part Six

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
To Put Up Shut Up Britain
To Put Up Shut Up Britain
To Put Up Shut Up Britain

They’re dying on trolleys, dying in chairs
Dying in corridors like nobody cares
And still we sing God bless
God bless the NHS
And still we sing God bless
God bless the NHS
‘Cause when they’ve taken that away
There’s really nothing left

Welcome…

Sooner or later it’s someone you know
Soon you’re as low as you can go
Your house, your street, your town
They’re burning it down
Your house, your street, your town
They’re burning it down
Burn it down

Welcome…

How do we measure a person by their worth
When it’s never been easier to be a TERF
And the only thing that power’s used for
Is persecuting a culture war
While protest singers from sea
To shining sea
Are sharpening their pencils
Getting ready for World War Three

Welcome…

Willy’s sending dick pics, getting into conflicts
Selling out his mates to cover up his clicks
But nothing’s bad enough to get him fired
His loyalty is all that is required
And here’s a map of the shit in your river
Here’s a map of the sewage outflow
Here’s where the shit is delivered
Here’s where your opinion can go

Welcome…

Put your conscience aside, we’re still arming genocide
Blind-eyed to the thousands who died
Blind-eyed to the thousands who died
Blind eyes for the people that die
And welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Where the drones get built and the profits hidden
Get off the statue, get on the plane
And don’t you dare ever complain

Welcome…

Welcome…

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A Trip to Brighton

Well, to Brighton Road studios to start work on the next album with the amazingly talented Ali Gavan who recorded and mixed all the songs on Trickle Down Town.

The reality for bands like us is that recording studio time is limited by finance and, well, time, and generally it’s weekend days borrowed from family and other commitments and fitted in around the football and folk club calendars that see us in the studio doing our best to get it right first time, but there’s plans for a new album late this year or early 2025 plus a couple of singles and, if our plans pay off, a very special release for next season so, as ever, watch this space.

Next stop for us is back to Bally Studios to get match fit for Bearded Theory and Strummercamp. Maybe we’ll see you at one or both of those.

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Put Up Shut Up Britain (Part Five)

In solidarity with our comrades at the NEU campaigning against agencies offshoring millions of pounds in profit made in the supply teacher ‘market’. With thanks to Reel News for the film.

It takes a village to raise a child
But an agency to profit
A government to turn a blind eye
A trade union to stop it
‘Cause the world keeps turning on education
And you’d think an educated nation
Wouldn’t settle for an NQT
Who comes with a hefty fee

It takes a village to raise a child
But an agency to profit
Like some kinda nightmare-ish
Capitalist project
Where the money that’s supposed to circle
Goes in a straight line instead
From agency to shell company
To hedge fund, virtually tax-free

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

It takes a village to raise a child
But an agency to profit
In a system that prefers your dough
In a rich man’s pocket
While the Minister, dear God
Declares she’s doing a “fucking good job”
A good job fucking with it, more like
No wonder the teachers go on strike

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

It takes a village to raise a child
But Teaching Personnel to profit
A subsidiary of Hood TopCo
Whose dividend’s set to rocket
And Simply Ed’s at it too
A million quid off me and you
To turn a temp’ry teacher
Into shareholder value

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

It takes a village to raise a child
But an agency to profit
By managing supply
It’s time we made ‘em stop it

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

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They All Sent Flowers

They all sent flowers
And all the flowers died
And I understood flowers
For the very first time
A gift of something dying
Gently saying this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes

It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes

They all sent roses
And all the roses died
Their petals dropping quietly
One at a time
We watched the petals falling
Gently saying this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes

It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes

They all sent lilies
And all the lilies died
But the scent of the lilies
Stayed around for a while
A gift of something dying
Leaving echoes this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes

It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes

They all sent flowers
And all the flowers died
Some faded far too quickly
Some others took their time
A gift of something dying
Gently saying this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes

It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes
It’s how it goes
This is how it goes

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Just Another Day at Elbit

There’s a man in a factory in Leicester
Fixing wings onto military drones
He breaks at eleven for coffee
While they bomb Palestinian homes

He flicks on the office kettle
Spoons coffee into her cup
Looks over at her workstation
Hoping that she’ll look up

It’s just a nine to five
It’s just a nine to five
Building military systems
To be fired at a distance
It’s just a nine to five

She smiles as he hands her a cuppa
Looking up from her targeting grids
She likes it when he brings her coffee
While they shoot Palestinian kids

He waits as she blows it cool gently
And wonders if he should just ask her
What is she doing this Friday
While we watch the destruction of Gaza

It’s just a nine to five
It’s just a nine to five
Building military systems
To be fired at a distance
It’s just a nine to five

There’s a man in a factory in Leicester
Dreaming of romance and love
Through his day to day military technology
Assembling death from above

One day they’ll be together
Two kids and a dog called Jade
Remembering a factory in Leicester
Where the tools of war are made

It’s just a nine to five
It’s just a nine to five
Building military systems
To be fired at a distance
It’s just a nine to five

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