Tag: songwriting

The Poppy and the Cross

With fewer his majesties
There’d be fewer dead
Yet he leads the remembrance
The old soldier said
The symbols that you see
Are there to show you who’s the boss
They know that you’ll comply
With the poppy and the cross

The poppy and the cross
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross

That fella with the wreath, he said
Signs the papers off
To manufacture weapons
For the poppy and the cross
To ship them overseas
For genocide in foreign lands
His jacket wears a poppy
But bloody are his hands

Bloody are his hands
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross

He holds a shepherd’s crook
And he wears a bishop’s hat
The old soldier said to me
What do you make of that
Here to give the slaughter
Some of his pious gloss
Here to lead the prayers
For the poppy and the cross

The poppy and the cross
God and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross

Don’t confuse sacrifice
With being sacrificed
The old soldier spoke
Of the wicked loss of life
King and country, God and crown
Will never count the cost
It’s you and I that die
For the poppy and the cross

The poppy and the cross
King and country and the rest
It’s amazing what you’ll suffer
To be told that you’re the best
His Majesty don’t care
For your sorrow and your loss
So long as you’ll die for
The poppy and the cross

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The New Austerity Inn

In the New Austerity Inn
Where the beer tastes of poverty and spin
Rachel plays a tiny violin
(Singing) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it

In the New Austerity Inn
Where old folk aspire for a warm around the fire
Rachel leads the budget choir
(Singing) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it

In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn

In the New Austerity Inn
The guvnor’s got a new suit, new tie, new boots
He says everything’s reduced
(But) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it

In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn

It was just like this with George in charge
A bloke at the bar says he voted Farage
And Rachel shouts “Now we’re in charge”
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
In the New Austerity Inn
The New Austerity Inn
(And) You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it
We can’t have it if they can’t afford it

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The Emperor’s New Clothes

A cloth so fine I’ll weave for you
The great and good can only view
The likes of which you’ve never seen
And best of all the suit is free

You’ll have clothes like no one else
The best of everything he sells
The people they will never see
And best of all, the suit is free

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Wearing the same invisible cloth

The people look, the people stare
From Clacton to Trafalgar Square
The people look, the people stare
But they all know there’s nothing there

The bobbin span, the shuttle flew
The sick, he said, have work to do
The finest cloth is meant for me
And best of all, the suit is free

The finest cloth on the machine
Though there was nothing to be seen
No marvel that his eye could see
But nonetheless the suit was free

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Wearing the same invisible cloth

The people look, the people stare
From Clacton to Trafalgar Square
The people look, the people stare
But they all know there’s nothing there

Tough choices, did he have the spine
To say I see no cloth so fine
The cloth the great and good could see
But best of all the suit was free

Tough choices, but you know the rest
The cloth, he said, was of the best
The cloth the great and good could see
But best of all the suit was free

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
Wearing the same invisible cloth

The people look, the people stare
From Clacton to Trafalgar Square
The people look, the people stare
But they all know there’s nothing there

The people look, the people stare
From Clacton to Trafalgar Square
The people look, the people stare
But they all know there’s nothing there

They all know the king is bare

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Spaceship Tax

He’s got his own spaceship
Says he’s going to race it
All the way to Mars
Build houses for billionaires and superstars

He’s got his own spaceship
‘Cause he’s just a rich git
Think it should be ours
Not just for billionaires and superstars

(Here we go)

100% 100%
100% (Without consent)
100% (Take it to the max)
100%…
Spaceship tax

He’s got his own space rocket
Looks like a cock, it’s
On the way to Mars
With billionaire spacemen and superstars

He’s got his own space rocket
Surplus value in his pocket
Think it should be ours
Not just for billionaires and superstars

(Here we go)

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…

100% 100%
100% 100%
100%…
Spaceship tax

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Dark Clouds Over Clacton

They say that it may have stopped raining
They say the sun might come out
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Giving me doubt

They say that it may have stopped raining
They say that they can clearly see
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

They say there’s a new skipper at the helm
They say he has a steady hand
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
And we’re still miles from land

They say there’s a new skipper at the helm
They say he takes things seriously
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

Dark clouds over Clacton
Dark clouds and a stormy sea
There are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

They say that the day that you see the devil
He steals away a piece of your soul
Now the dark clouds over Clacton
Feel so cold

They say that the day that you see the devil
His laugh will never leave you be
Now there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

Dark clouds over Clacton
Dark clouds and a stormy sea
There are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

They say that all we need is a fair wind
A fair wind and a following sea
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

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The Jolly Capitalist

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That cheap and cheerful really is a money-making game
So Vimes cannot afford the boots in which he should be stood
But a cheap pair every year cost more than good ones ever would

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How landlords are the ones who really have it all to gain
‘Cause while you pay their mortgages there’s social housing shortages
So you should just be grateful they don’t Section 21

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How shitting in the river is the ultimate aim
Because if selling off the water ain’t enough to make you mad
Then selling off the NHS won’t seem half as bad

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How the 7th of October was the start of the campaign
Drones and bombs and missiles are a lucrative supply
Just requires the application of a little blind eye

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That when a foodbank opens up he opens up the champagne
Because if the poor feed the poor what is the government for
But making rick folk richer than they’ve ever been before

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

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Kier’s Kitchens

The last bloke made a right mess of it
He always had an excuse
Either Covid or the war in Ukraine
And we’re left with half a kitchen, and the sink’s still loose

So we’re telling him to sling his hook
Going back to the phone book
Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages
And so
We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
The kitchen fitting splitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your cupboards right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

Keir seemed happy with the budget
Said he wasn’t going to fudge it
He was only too pleased to assist
But a gender-neutral toilet
I thought I might’ve spoiled it
Got his knickers in a bit of a twist

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
For a side that glitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your doors right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

The last bloke made a right mess of it
And always blamed somebody else
The Albanian plumber, the Syrian sparks
Now we’re left with half a kitchen, and nothing on the shelf

So we’re throwing him off the job
And getting in another mob
Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages
And so
We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
The kitchen fitting splitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your cupboards right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

Keir seemed happy with the work
Accepted it with a smirk
He was only too pleased to assist
But a gender-neutral khazi
It coulda got nasty
Got his knickers in a bit of a twist

Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
For a side that glitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your doors right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July

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Eat the Rich

Do you wanna go
Where Rousseau goes?
Do you want a plate of de Witt?
When there’s nothing to eat
There is one meat
Just redistributed a bit
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Musk medaillons
With Bezos bouillon
Do you want a Zuckerberg chop?
Bring a fork
I hear it tastes like pork
A billionaire escalope
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

What the Dickens
Such slim pickin’s
A visit from Marley’s ghost
Give Tiny Tim sauce
For a Scrooge main course
And his chitterlings on toast
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Stuff your face
With Murdoch steak
Dine on some Windsor mince
A delicious spread
Of billionaire sweetbread
Food fit from a prince
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Juice trickles down
From wallet and crown
Get a spoon and get stuck in
A feast for all
Big or small
It’s time to tuck in
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

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Rwanda Bound

His dad was Greek
His mum Palestinian
Born in Turkey
He grew up a Syrian

He’s a man of fighting age

He’s handy with a sword
He’s on a small boat
Coming over here
Red cross white coat

He’s a man of fighting age

But it’s alright, it’s okay
He’s leaving the country on the first plane

He law says it’s safe and sound
Just needs assent of the crown
He’s a man of fighting age
St George is Rwanda-bound

They stuck him on a barge
In Portland harbour
Lobbying hard
For his departure

He’s a man of fighting age

A soldier
In a foreign army
We’re not racist
To say this are we

He’s a man of fighting age

But it’s alright, it’s okay
He’s leaving the country on the first plane

He law says it’s safe and sound
Just needs assent of the crown
He’s a man of fighting age
St George is Rwanda-bound

The locals don’t like
Dragon slaying
Don’t like
What the dragon farmer’s paying

He’s a man of fighting age

A catholic country
This one ain’t
We ain’t the type
To venerate a saint

He’s a man of fighting age

But it’s alright, it’s okay
He’s leaving the country on the first plane

He law says it’s safe and sound
Just needing assent of the crown
He’s a man of fighting age
St George is Rwanda-bound

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Five a Day

Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
They’re gonna make sure that you get your five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Five a day – they’ll always find a way to make you pay
Five a day – while the rich folk always get their way
Five a day – if there’s a plan for this, let’s get it underway
It’s time to do something about the five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
Anger, frustration, alienation
Disillusionment, pain
They’re gonna make sure that you get your five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Anger is the power that you need to make a change
Frustration is the reason that you’re feeling this way
Alienation – it’s why we’re all here
Disillusionment – well, that’s pretty clear
Pain – it’s time to make the pain go away
Pain – it’s time to make the pain go away
Pain – it’s time to make the pain go away
It’s time to do something about the five a day

Five a day
Five a day
Five a day

Five a day – they’ll always find a way to make you pay
Five a day – while the rich folk always get their way
Five a day – if there’s a plan for this, let’s get it underway
It’s time to do something about the five a day

It’s time to do something about the five a day

Five a day

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