I hear that it might have stopped raining
There’s finally some sun forecast
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
A break in the weather that may not last
Tag: politics
The Jolly Capitalist
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That cheap and cheerful really is a money-making game
So Vimes cannot afford the boots in which he should be stood
But a cheap pair every year cost more than good ones ever would
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How landlords are the ones who really have it all to gain
‘Cause while you pay their mortgages there’s social housing shortages
So you should just be grateful they don’t Section 21
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How shitting in the river is the ultimate aim
Because if selling off the water ain’t enough to make you mad
Then selling off the NHS won’t seem half as bad
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How the 7th of October was the start of the campaign
Drones and bombs and missiles are a lucrative supply
Just requires the application of a little blind eye
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That when a foodbank opens up he opens up the champagne
Because if the poor feed the poor what is the government for
But making rick folk richer than they’ve ever been before
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had
Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick
Reform UK = BNP
Frog-faced fascist Farage
Controls the company
Reform UK, well okay
But it’s just the BNP
Andrew p-word Parker
Canvassing in Clacton
Says he’s mates with Nigel
The fascist first team captain
Andrew wants to turn the mosque
Into a Wetherspoons
Reform UK’s at home today
To all the swivel-eyed loons
Homophobe George Jones
Hollers out the nonces
While Farage get a barrage
About his team’s responses
Frog-faced fascist Farage
Says he is dismayed
By the racist bed he made
In which he is now laid
Kier’s Kitchens
The last bloke made a right mess of it
He always had an excuse
Either Covid or the war in Ukraine
And we’re left with half a kitchen, and the sink’s still loose
So we’re telling him to sling his hook
Going back to the phone book
Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages
And so
We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
The kitchen fitting splitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your cupboards right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
Keir seemed happy with the budget
Said he wasn’t going to fudge it
He was only too pleased to assist
But a gender-neutral toilet
I thought I might’ve spoiled it
Got his knickers in a bit of a twist
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
For a side that glitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your doors right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
The last bloke made a right mess of it
And always blamed somebody else
The Albanian plumber, the Syrian sparks
Now we’re left with half a kitchen, and nothing on the shelf
So we’re throwing him off the job
And getting in another mob
Looked at the Yellow Pages for absolutely ages
And so
We’re gonna give Kier’s Kitchen Fitters a go…
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
The kitchen fitting splitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your cupboards right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
Keir seemed happy with the work
Accepted it with a smirk
He was only too pleased to assist
But a gender-neutral khazi
It coulda got nasty
Got his knickers in a bit of a twist
Sir Kier’s Kitchen Fitters
For a side that glitters
Surely they’re worth a try
They’ll fit your doors right
And the boss is a knight
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
We’ve booked them for the 5th of July
Derek on the 8:29
Derek left Chingford
On the 8:29
He’s heading east
To the Essex sunshine
Dreaming a life
Like before he was born
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 8:44
Preferring CO15
To humble E4
The sunshine coast, he says
Is getting pretty warm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 8:58
Tendring bound
He don’t wanna be late
He’s leaving East London
Avoiding the swarm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 9:13
He knows the platform
Where he wants to be seen
He’s checked the forecast
He’s expecting a storm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 9:28
It’s time, he said
To make Clacton great
The folks out there
Know how to conform
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform
Derek left Chingford
On the 09:40
Change at Liverpool Street
He’ll be there shortly
He’s voting Reform
Giving Sunak the sack
He’s heading to Clacton
He ain’t coming back
This is the Real Life
This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
These are the cuts
This is the missed meal
This door is shut
This wound will not heal
This is the teacher
With nothing to say
This is the preacher
With no room to pray
This is the healer
Refusing to heal
This is the dealer
With souls to steal
This is the leader
With no will to lead
He’s pleased to meet her
In her hour of need
This is the Jesus
Asleep on the cross
This is God sees us
God don’t give a toss
This is the ceasefire
Where bullets still fly
This is the liar
On whom they rely
This is the snake oil
This is the monorail
This is the frog boil
This is the tall tale
This is the real life
This is the war
This is real spite
Despite the law
These are the orphans
These are the limbs
This is the organ
These are the hymns
This is the refugee
This is the other
This is her rescue me
This is her colour
This is the problem
This is the scapegoat
This is one of them
This is a small boat
These are the wages
These are the prices
These are the places
This is the crisis
This is the circus
These are the clowns
We give them purpose
We give them crowns
This is the real life
Here is your bill
Here come the far-right
Here is the red pill
This is the phone-in
This is the show
No serotonin
Nowhere to go
This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
This is the real life
This is the last chance
This is the real life
This is the last dance
Milkshake Revolutionaries
He’s joining the race
He’s got it in the face
‘Spoons is the place
For a milkshake facial
Nigel don’t like it
Tommy tried to fight it
He’s gonna have to wipe it
A milkshake facial
No need to bash
The face of the fash
Just give ‘em a splash
Of a milkshake facial
Armed with bananas
Strawberries and blueberries
Here come the milkshake revolutionaries
Eat the Rich
Do you wanna go
Where Rousseau goes?
Do you want a plate of de Witt?
When there’s nothing to eat
There is one meat
Just redistributed a bit
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
Musk medaillons
With Bezos bouillon
Do you want a Zuckerberg chop?
Bring a fork
I hear it tastes like pork
A billionaire escalope
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
What the Dickens
Such slim pickin’s
A visit from Marley’s ghost
Give Tiny Tim sauce
For a Scrooge main course
And his chitterlings on toast
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
Stuff your face
With Murdoch steak
Dine on some Windsor mince
A delicious spread
Of billionaire sweetbread
Food fit from a prince
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
Juice trickles down
From wallet and crown
Get a spoon and get stuck in
A feast for all
Big or small
It’s time to tuck in
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich
The Great Escape
Neither big nor special as it turns out
All in all, a bit mealy-mouthed
A quick ‘Free Palestine’ and can we move on
You wouldn’t expect the cleaner
And, well, the cleaner’s gone
Hanging from the rafters
Let’s talk about the issues
Let’s walk in my shoes
Never mind his shoes
Trigger the sample
Trigger the reaction
Take the booking
No call to action
Trigger the sample
Trigger the backing
The music’s great
The conviction is lacking
Dear Natalie
My dearest darling Natalie
I really like your style
Your tenacity defending
This green and pleasant isle
Your hard line on asylum seekers
Coming over here
Our match was made in heaven
That’s obvious, my dear
We’re so alike, dear Natalie
It’s very plain to see
Your votes against equalities
And for Voter ID
Those rights for workers, I agree
Will really have to go
And never mind the mishap
Shame on you and P&O
Dear Natalie, you’re very right
As far as I can see
Nobody could question
Our compatibility
And it’s fair, dear Natalie
To tap up Honest Bob
Your sex pest ex’s sentence
Clearly was a stitch-up job
I’m so glad you crossed the floor
Natalie, my dear
Welcome to the party
With all my love
Sir Kier
Steve White & The Protest Family 