Tag: donald trump

Sir Kier is Late For the War

Dear Donny, I’m so sorry I was late
I thought we had two weeks to get the message straight
You know that’s what the airbases are there for, mate
When Ronnie bombed the Libyans, we didn’t hesitate

I’ve got Lammy standing ready with a statement to make
He knows there’s a special relationship at stake
And if there’s war to be made, then war we shall make
I could do with some ban-the-burqa action to take

So, let me know Donny, if you’re gonna bomb some more
I wanna be like Margaret and Tony before
Not getting invited would leave me pretty sore
Dear Donny, I’m sorry I was late for the war

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Tacos

Old Man Trump, like a bad cartoon
Spittin’ in the situation Room
Said Hey Benny I have a plan
Let’s go ahead and bomb Iran

Let’s bomb Iran
Let’s bomb Iran

While Huckabee cheered and Huckabee cried
God, he said, is surely on your side
Like he told George, Invade Iraq
Old Man Trump, God’s got your back

God’s got his back
God’s got his back

Then Trump, he said, maybe I will
I do wish the Ayatollah ill
And I know my mouth just wrote a cheque
But I won’t decide ‘til the very last sec

The very last sec
The very last sec

And the whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
On the eve of World War Three

He said he’d bring peace to Ukraine
But Old Man Trump chickened out again
Sayin’ Well it really ain’t so bad
And I don’t wanna upset Vlad

Don’t wanna upset Vlad
Don’t wanna upset Vlad

He was gonna wipe Afghan off the face
And fire Little Rocket Man into space
But fire and fury never occurred
Thank God for Donny’s no-good word

His no-good word
His no-good word

And the whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
On the eve of World War Three
And the whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
On the eve of World War Three
The eve of World War Three
The eve of World War Three

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Big Beautiful Bill

They call him Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
On his way
To Capitol Hill

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
He ain’t gonna help you
When you ill

He’ll steal from the poor
To give to the rich
Big, beautiful Bill’s
A Robin Hood switch

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
He’ll borrow money
Like no one else will

For every dollar
He’ll borrow half more
Big, beautiful Bill’s
Debt’s outa the door

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill

Bill liked a girl
Her name was Liz
Her kinda thinkin’
Was a lot like his

She borrowed money
Until it went wrong
Like Bill she won’t listen
To the words of this song

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill

They call him Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
He ain’t gonna help you
When you fall ill

He’ll steal from the poor
To give to the rich
Big, beautiful Bill’s
A Robin Hood switch

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill

Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill
Big, beautiful Bill

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The New Pharaohs of the West

He wears his shoes way too big
And tells the most tremendous lies
He’s got magic healing ears
And blind eyes to genocide

He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West
He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West

The illegal alien with a billion bucks
High on ket., tweets a curse
Dirty Donny was in bed with Jeff
In the file and so much worse

He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West
He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West

Two hundred and eighty cubits high
And build it just as wide
Build it on the bones of Palestinians
Build it in my new Gaza seaside

Donny’s living the American dream
He’s lived it since he was eighteen
And his father gave him his first million dollars

He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West
He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West

Two hundred and eighty cubits high
And build it just as wide
Build it on the bones of Palestinians
Build it in my new Gaza seaside

He was born in an emerald mine
In the South African sunshine
He’s cool with apartheid
Cool with conspiracy

He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West
He’s one of the new pharaohs of the West

Two hundred and eighty cubits high
And build it just as wide
Build it on the bones of Palestinians
Build it in my new Gaza seaside
Build it on the bones of Palestinians
Build it in my new Gaza seaside

The new pharaohs of the West
The new pharaohs of the West
The new pharaohs of the West
The new pharaohs of the West

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A Letter From The King

Does it smell nice?
A letter from the king
Of scented ink, that kind of thing
Mellifluous craft and flowery word
Meticulously well-observed

Or does it smell of dusty palaces and old men
Tainted by the mouldering stench of then
Sparse script spiked with iron gall
As if the king should have to write at all

How tightly clenched, the royal jaw
How white-knuckled, the royal paw
Nib mashed to page, the words appear
One so looks forward to your second visit here

Behold, for sure, a regal thing
But what’s that smell?
A letter from the king

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A Love Letter From Nigel Farage To Donald Trump

I always tell people that you are extraordinary
I bask in the glow of your golden age
Your upbeat populism, it’s gonna be beautiful
I’m the wind beneath the wings of your global stage

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

Remember how we felt in 2016
The laughs that we had outside the golden door
Fooling the world that we were anti-establishment
Planning all the riches that the power could score

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

I always tell people to take you seriously
Even if literally can be a bit much
I’m sorry we disagree about Zelensky
Oh Donny, Tommy doesn’t have your golden touch

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

I know he has a chainsaw and his own space rocket
I know he bought Twitter and rid it of blue
But his kid picked his nose in The Oval Office
And he could never love you the way that I do

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

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Damian

Damian picks his nose in the Oval Office
Wipes it on the desk like no one’s there
Damian speaks his mind without question
Damian meets the world with a confident stare

Damian hitched a ride on his father’s shoulder
His black-capped charger stamps a hoof and neighs
He knows all this will be his when he’s older
The Master of all that he surveys

Damian is laughing at democracy
Damian whispers in the President’s ear
Damian picks his nose in the Oval Office
Damian knows his time is nearly here

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If We Had Won The War

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
We’d all have homes for heroes, there’d be no Jan 6 zeroes
There’d be refuge for the needy and the poor
If we had won the war!

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
We’d want for nowt, and never need for more
One nation under God
Even if you think that’s odd
And everybody welcome at our shore
If we had won the war!

If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in Reform UK or even down that UKIP way
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
Working would never be a chore
We’d all know fair is fair
And billionaires would pay their share
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war!

If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in Reform UK or even down that UKIP way
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war

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47

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

It’s Trump-tastic, policy elastic
What he said yesterday
Ain’t what he’s gonna say today
Like what’s today’s favourite word?
What’s today’s favourite steaming turd?
It’s tariffs, tariff-tastic
Tariffs on cheap Chinese plastic
China, nowhere finer
For your cheap Chinese plastic MAGA crap
Your cheap Chinese plastic MAGA hat
Meanwhile here’s a pile for the EU
Meanwhile here’s a pile for the UK too

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

Not withstanding
Trump’s grandstanding
Trump’s expanding the MAGA empire
Trump’s expanding the MAGA desire
While there’s still no water
For the L.A. fire
California burns
While The President piddles
California burns
While The President tiddles
He won’t fill a bucket, he won’t fill a pail
But he’ll let the insurrectionists out of jail

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

Unpatriotic patriots, keepers of the oath
Gimme a conspiracy, hell, give me both
A tin foil hat and an M-16
A beer belly, and dirty magazine
Yeah, gimme a conspiracy, hell, give me both
The KKK and the keepers of the oath
Mr. President’s own private militia
While a wide-brimmed hat won’t even let him kiss her
He’s eyeing up Canada and Panama
Where he says their economic interests are
He’s eyeing up Mexico and Greenland too
Like a spray-tanned Roman emperor might do

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

It’s Trump-tastic, bombastic
Authoritarian, bordering barbarian
Wants to help Benny level Palestine
A dictator mate who ain’t benign
It’s Trump-tastic, it ain’t cute
His mates chucking up a Nazi salute
If you were looking for the fascists, my dear
Look no further, the fascists are here

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night
47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

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Fascist By The Numbers

Elon is a fascist, who knew?
Does that mean that Donald is a fascist too?

Well, let’s count the ways, starting at one
Does he keep the company of fascist chums?
That’s a given, what about two?
Does he blame people who don’t look like me and you?
Absolutely! The enemy
Simultaneously powerful and weak, at three

At four, the opposition
Who he keeps threatening to put in prison

A messianic hero, at five
An assassin’s bullet and he’s still alive

Okay, but what about six?
Does Donald have any other fascist tricks?
Plenty, like the cult of tradition
Typical of a man in his position

Six? Okay, now is that all you’ve got?
At seven his obsession that there’s some kind of plot
You must remember QAnon and all that jazz
Conspiracies like every good fascist has

At eight, action, for action’s sake
“It’s gonna be beautiful”, is Donald’s take
With macho, macho weapons at any excuse
He already said he’s gonna let all hell break loose
If another nation doesn’t tow the line
Which, if I count correctly, brings us up to nine

Authoritarian, that’s in at ten
At eleven, gender limited to women and men
Twelve, there’s no sitting on the fence
Anyone not for him is counted as against
Thirteen? Well, he’s a populist
And fourteen is the end of Umberto’s list

Is Donald a fascist? Let’s count the ways
Brace yourselves people for dark, dark days

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