Category: Steve

Derek on the 8:29

Derek left Chingford
On the 8:29
He’s heading east
To the Essex sunshine
Dreaming a life
Like before he was born
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 8:44
Preferring CO15
To humble E4
The sunshine coast, he says
Is getting pretty warm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 8:58
Tendring bound
He don’t wanna be late
He’s leaving East London
Avoiding the swarm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 9:13
He knows the platform
Where he wants to be seen
He’s checked the forecast
He’s expecting a storm
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 9:28
It’s time, he said
To make Clacton great
The folks out there
Know how to conform
He’s heading to Clacton
To vote Reform

Derek left Chingford
On the 09:40
Change at Liverpool Street
He’ll be there shortly
He’s voting Reform
Giving Sunak the sack
He’s heading to Clacton
He ain’t coming back

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , Leave a comment

This is the Real Life

This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
These are the cuts
This is the missed meal
This door is shut
This wound will not heal

This is the teacher
With nothing to say
This is the preacher
With no room to pray
This is the healer
Refusing to heal
This is the dealer
With souls to steal

This is the leader
With no will to lead
He’s pleased to meet her
In her hour of need
This is the Jesus
Asleep on the cross
This is God sees us
God don’t give a toss

This is the ceasefire
Where bullets still fly
This is the liar
On whom they rely
This is the snake oil
This is the monorail
This is the frog boil
This is the tall tale

This is the real life
This is the war
This is real spite
Despite the law
These are the orphans
These are the limbs
This is the organ
These are the hymns

This is the refugee
This is the other
This is her rescue me
This is her colour
This is the problem
This is the scapegoat
This is one of them
This is a small boat

These are the wages
These are the prices
These are the places
This is the crisis
This is the circus
These are the clowns
We give them purpose
We give them crowns

This is the real life
Here is your bill
Here come the far-right
Here is the red pill
This is the phone-in
This is the show
No serotonin
Nowhere to go

This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
This is the real life
This is the last chance
This is the real life
This is the last dance

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Milkshake Revolutionaries

He’s joining the race
He’s got it in the face
‘Spoons is the place
For a milkshake facial

Nigel don’t like it
Tommy tried to fight it
He’s gonna have to wipe it
A milkshake facial

No need to bash
The face of the fash
Just give ‘em a splash
Of a milkshake facial

Armed with bananas
Strawberries and blueberries
Here come the milkshake revolutionaries

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Eat the Rich

Do you wanna go
Where Rousseau goes?
Do you want a plate of de Witt?
When there’s nothing to eat
There is one meat
Just redistributed a bit
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Musk medaillons
With Bezos bouillon
Do you want a Zuckerberg chop?
Bring a fork
I hear it tastes like pork
A billionaire escalope
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

What the Dickens
Such slim pickin’s
A visit from Marley’s ghost
Give Tiny Tim sauce
For a Scrooge main course
And his chitterlings on toast
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Stuff your face
With Murdoch steak
Dine on some Windsor mince
A delicious spread
Of billionaire sweetbread
Food fit from a prince
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Juice trickles down
From wallet and crown
Get a spoon and get stuck in
A feast for all
Big or small
It’s time to tuck in
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

When you’re starving and there’s no more bread
It’s time to eat the rich instead
It’s time to eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
Eat the rich, eat the rich, eat the rich
It’s time to eat the rich

by Categories: Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The Great Escape

Neither big nor special as it turns out
All in all, a bit mealy-mouthed
A quick ‘Free Palestine’ and can we move on
You wouldn’t expect the cleaner
And, well, the cleaner’s gone

Hanging from the rafters
Let’s talk about the issues
Let’s walk in my shoes
Never mind his shoes

Trigger the sample
Trigger the reaction
Take the booking
No call to action

Trigger the sample
Trigger the backing
The music’s great
The conviction is lacking

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , Leave a comment

Dear Natalie

My dearest darling Natalie
I really like your style
Your tenacity defending
This green and pleasant isle
Your hard line on asylum seekers
Coming over here
Our match was made in heaven
That’s obvious, my dear

We’re so alike, dear Natalie
It’s very plain to see
Your votes against equalities
And for Voter ID
Those rights for workers, I agree
Will really have to go
And never mind the mishap
Shame on you and P&O

Dear Natalie, you’re very right
As far as I can see
Nobody could question
Our compatibility
And it’s fair, dear Natalie
To tap up Honest Bob
Your sex pest ex’s sentence
Clearly was a stitch-up job

I’m so glad you crossed the floor
Natalie, my dear
Welcome to the party
With all my love
Sir Kier

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , Leave a comment

Elections 2024

Susan Hall in a ULEZ car
Andy Street on the street
Conservatives out in Blackpool South
And rare in a council seat

Sunak’s disappointed
But says that the plan is working
Meanwhile back in Rochdale
George Galloway is lurking
(Pro-Palestine but anti-woke
It’s somewhat disconcerting)

Rotherham, confusingly
Is back in Liverpool
And Coronation Street’s in Yorkshire
But Teeside’s under the Baron’s rule

If you want all the stories
Laura only talks to Tories
Still squawking Stop The Boats
While just not getting many votes

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Transphobia

There’s the seaside postcard transphobe
At their bawdy best
Please don’t take me seriously
It was only said in jest

Then there’s the sporting transphobe
The level playing field type
You can’t give back the muscles
Their explanatory gripe

The old school transphobe’s prone to say
It wasn’t like that in my day
When men were men and men were best
And you can probably guess the rest
And almost none were gay

Like the won’t-think-about-it transphobe
Who just doesn’t understand
It used to be so simple
You’re a woman or you’re a man

And the it’s-just-common-sense transphobe
Because everything’s binary
Two eyes, two ears, two hands, two feet
Just common sense you see

And then the internet transphobe
The Rowlings and Linehans
Dead name campaigns are their domain
Denying that your trans

Pick your type, there’s more than two
And each demands to have a say
You might call it a spectrum
Which transphobe will you meet today?

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , Leave a comment