Tag: songwriting

Great TV

Has anyone got a hand cart?
We’re on our way to hell
Has anyone got a hand cart?
It’s really not going well

Has anyone got a hand cart?
For Mr Zelensksy
Has anyone got a hand cart?
He’s hailing a taxi

And it’s gonna make great, great TV
Great, great TV
Gambling with World War Three
Great TV

Has anyone got a hand cart?
For sofa shagger Vance
Has anyone got a hand cart?
He’s overdone the bantz

Has anyone got a hand cart?
For I’ve got a letter Kier
Has anyone got a hand cart?
Charlie won’t want him near

And it’s gonna make great, great TV
Great, great TV
Gambling with World War Three
Great TV

Has anyone got a hand cart?
We’re on our way to hell
Has anyone got a hand cart?
It’s really not going well

Has anyone got a hand cart?
We’re on our way to hell
Has anyone got a hand cart?
Yeah, Donald’s got loads to sell

And it’s gonna make great, great TV
It’s gonna make great, great TV
Gambling with World War Three
Great TV

Has anyone got a hand cart?
We’re on our way to hell
Has anyone got a hand cart?
It’s really not going well

Has anyone got a hand cart?
We’re on our way to hell
Has anyone got a hand cart?
Yeah, Donald’s got loads to sell

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You & Me vs. The Billionaires

Imagine getting richer while the poor are still poor
Imagine having everything and still wanting more
Imagine all the hurt and still nobody cares
That’s why it’s you and me against the billionaires

Imagine all the emeralds, your own spaceship
Shooting off to Mars on a space day trip
Imagine if they stayed, what difference would it make
When we do all the give, and they do all the take

The art of the deal says that beggars can’t be choosers
The art of the deal says that winners need their losers
The way we play is that everybody shares
That’s why it’s you and me against the billionaires

You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires

Imagine using wars to just make more money
Imagine no just cause, just bread and honey
Imagine how little the big boy cares
That’s why it’s you and me against the billionaires

The art of the deal says that beggars can’t be choosers
The art of the deal says that winners need their losers
The way we play is that everybody shares
That’s why it’s you and me against the billionaires

You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires

Mind the gap, the cats getting fatter
Mind the cap, the one that says MAGA
Mind the trap that says all lives matter
It’s you and me against the billionaires

You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires
You and me, against the billionaires

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A Love Letter From Nigel Farage To Donald Trump

I always tell people that you are extraordinary
I bask in the glow of your golden age
Your upbeat populism, it’s gonna be beautiful
I’m the wind beneath the wings of your global stage

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

Remember how we felt in 2016
The laughs that we had outside the golden door
Fooling the world that we were anti-establishment
Planning all the riches that the power could score

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

I always tell people to take you seriously
Even if literally can be a bit much
I’m sorry we disagree about Zelensky
Oh Donny, Tommy doesn’t have your golden touch

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

I know he has a chainsaw and his own space rocket
I know he bought Twitter and rid it of blue
But his kid picked his nose in The Oval Office
And he could never love you the way that I do

Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
I love you though you can be cruel and unkind
Oh, Donald
Oh, Donny
Please don’t leave me behind

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More Rain

He looks out of the window, says it’s still grim
It ain’t stopped raining since they got in
No sign of a break in the weather
Feels like it could rain forever

And all that’s forecast is more of the same
All that’s forecast is more rain
More rain

He was listening to the guy with the Richmond song
Heard Jordan Peterson had him along
To a populist rally at the Excel
You kinda knew it as well

And all that’s forecast is more of the same
All that’s forecast is more rain
More rain

Meanwhile in Maryland, another Nazi
No putting this one down to chance, he
Said, fight, fight, fight
And signalled to the far right

Silence where you need condemnation
But he buys into the state of the nation
Looking out of the window, he says it’s still grim
Has been since they got in

And all that’s forecast is more of the same
All that’s forecast is more rain
More rain
More rain

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Tommy Anderson RIP

My name is Tam The Bin Man, and I’ll take them out on strike
He wore a tartan bonnet, and in his hand a mic
He knew a life of struggle, and solidarity
He knew the fight for justice, and equality

On the bins you see the folk who find the street their home
Tommy vowed that they should never struggle on their own
He looked after the homeless, the needy, and the poor
He looked after the union, from the shop floor

Tommy looked after the homeless, and anyone he could
Tommy looked after the homeless, like a good union man should

Proud Scotsman, he moved to town when he was just eighteen
Homeless then, he knew the lives of others he had seen
He looked after the homeless, because Tommy understood
A union man should help in any way he could

Tommy looked after the homeless, and anyone he could
Tommy looked after the homeless, like a good union man should

My name is Tam The Bin Man, and I took them out on strike
I looked after the homeless and the union alike
I looked after the homeless and anyone I could
I looked after the homeless, like a good union man should

Tommy looked after the homeless, and anyone he could
Tommy looked after the homeless, like a good union man should

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If We Had Won The War

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
We’d all have homes for heroes, there’d be no Jan 6 zeroes
There’d be refuge for the needy and the poor
If we had won the war!

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
We’d want for nowt, and never need for more
One nation under God
Even if you think that’s odd
And everybody welcome at our shore
If we had won the war!

If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in Reform UK or even down that UKIP way
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war

Oh, how different, if we had won the war!
Working would never be a chore
We’d all know fair is fair
And billionaires would pay their share
There’d be no Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war!

If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in Reform UK or even down that UKIP way
If we had won the war, there’d be no Nazis at our door
No Nazis in The Whitehouse, that’s for sure
If we had won the war

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47

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

It’s Trump-tastic, policy elastic
What he said yesterday
Ain’t what he’s gonna say today
Like what’s today’s favourite word?
What’s today’s favourite steaming turd?
It’s tariffs, tariff-tastic
Tariffs on cheap Chinese plastic
China, nowhere finer
For your cheap Chinese plastic MAGA crap
Your cheap Chinese plastic MAGA hat
Meanwhile here’s a pile for the EU
Meanwhile here’s a pile for the UK too

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

Not withstanding
Trump’s grandstanding
Trump’s expanding the MAGA empire
Trump’s expanding the MAGA desire
While there’s still no water
For the L.A. fire
California burns
While The President piddles
California burns
While The President tiddles
He won’t fill a bucket, he won’t fill a pail
But he’ll let the insurrectionists out of jail

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

Unpatriotic patriots, keepers of the oath
Gimme a conspiracy, hell, give me both
A tin foil hat and an M-16
A beer belly, and dirty magazine
Yeah, gimme a conspiracy, hell, give me both
The KKK and the keepers of the oath
Mr. President’s own private militia
While a wide-brimmed hat won’t even let him kiss her
He’s eyeing up Canada and Panama
Where he says their economic interests are
He’s eyeing up Mexico and Greenland too
Like a spray-tanned Roman emperor might do

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

It’s Trump-tastic, bombastic
Authoritarian, bordering barbarian
Wants to help Benny level Palestine
A dictator mate who ain’t benign
It’s Trump-tastic, it ain’t cute
His mates chucking up a Nazi salute
If you were looking for the fascists, my dear
Look no further, the fascists are here

47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night
47 goes to get it right
47 goes and no end in sight
47 goes to get it right
They’re gonna need the Fentanyl to get ‘em through the night

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Growth

She blames it on the bats
She blames it on the newts
She blames it on the NIMBYs
And their neighbourhood disputes

She blames it on the folk
Who don’t want her to succeed
She blames it on the growth
Of a protected species

She blames it on the planners
And people in The South
She says we look like lunatics
The things we care about

She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth

She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth

She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better

She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better

She says be more like Donald
Who says everything is great
She says she would be honoured
If he would be her mate

She blames it on the newts
She blames it on the bats
He blames it on the immigrants
Who eat dogs and cats

She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth

She wants growth
Growth
Growth
Economic growth

She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better

She wants growth
Economic growth
When did that ever
Make your life get any better

She wants growth
She needs GDP
Without it she’ll have to tax
The super-wealthy

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The Devil

I heard The Devil speaking in a pub by the sea
I heard The devil speaking on the BBC
I heard The Devil speaking every day on Fox News
I heard The Devil say he’s got a long list of things to do
(So hold fast)

I saw The Devil sliding into the house
I saw The Devil striding into the house
I heard The Devil speaking, he was loud and proud
I saw The Devil speaking, he drew a helluva crowd
(So hold fast)

The greatest trick he Devil ever pulled
The greatest trick that had us all fooled
The greatest trick said we don’t believe
And we all blamed each other for his devilry
(So hold fast)

I saw a queue of rich men, all on bended knee
I saw a queue of rich men, from Africa to NYC
There to pledge allegiance, hey The Devil and me
There to pledge allegiance, what can The Devil do for me?
(Better hold fast)

I heard The Devil play guitar from Nashville Tennessee
I heard The Devil launching his own currency
I heard that there’s abuse for which the Devil is liable
I heard The Devil publishes his own version of the Bible
(So hold fast)

The greatest trick…

I heard The Devil saying all hell will break loose
Now that The Devil is free from the calaboose
I heard The Devil saying “fight, fight, fight”
I heard The Devil saying that mortals shouldn’t have rights
(So hold fast)

The greatest trick…

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President I Told You So

President I Told You So
With Cali-forn-i-a aglow
When fire hydrants didn’t flow
He blamed it on the fish

President I Told You So
A climate change denier, so
With Califor-ni-ay aglow
Really took the piss

I told you so
I told you so
President I Told You So
Is putting on a show

President I Told You So
Said Greenland is the place to go
I’ve got an army, don’t you know
The Dane’s I’ll simply overthrow

And Panama, if you please
It’s being run by the Chinese
So, on your knees, cough up the keys
To the good ol’ US of….oh…..

Hail to the chief
Armed to the teeth
He’s got a beef
With the Chinese, the Mexicans
The Danes and all the rest of ‘em

Hail to the chief
Beyond belief
He’ll smack you with the tariffs
And he’ll smack you in the teeth

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