The Toilet Police

Jakey’s got a new job
Care of that Supreme Court mob
What’s inside your boxers or briefs?
Jakey’s joined the toilet police

Jakey’s simply upholding the act
He needs to see your biological fact
He’s got his eye on your tomboy niece
Jakey’s joined the toilet police

An orderly queue, if you please
At the checkpoint for the Ladies
In his jackboots and company fleece
Jakey’s joined the toilet police

Knock, Knock!

Like a stopped clock, we kept Piers around
For the odd occasion on which he was right
But knock, knock, it was bound to come on top
And good morning Britain, the cock has taken flight

Now he’s throwing in his lot with the Foxes and the Youngs
Claiming free speech and foul with his forked tongue
And he’ll take his tirade to the anti-woke brigade
And take up sword and shield in Toby’s parade

Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
Knock, knock

(We’re just choosing not to listen)

Joanne’s got a plan, in which she defines a man
And cancelleramous, there goes another fan
Even Potter can’t stop her now the plots gone bad
And it don’t please her there’s a reader who now wished they never had

Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
Knock, knock

(We’re just choosing not to listen)

And Laurence lost stock when he got a Twitter block
From a Lewis co-star who thought he was a cock
Shouldn’t be a shock and we should probably thank her
Not on this Fox’s side, he’s an All Lives Matter wanker

Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
We’re just choosing not to listen
Knock, knock