Dogs, pigs, three-year-old kids
Eating one the law forbids
Convention says the second is
Similarly deterred
While of the tragic third
Consumption is preferred
Which is absurd
When you consider
The pig desires to not be dinner
As much as the kid
Would rather not get et
And don’t forget the dog
Who one simply does not eat
While he snoozes at your feet
Why not let
All three be free
To snooze and play
And not be tea
A two grand hat made out of bears
Is what the British foot guard wears
It’s stupid, cruel, just not funny
And a massive waste of money
While Rachel says we can’t afford
For winter fuel to be restored
And Auntie freezes in her flat
The guardsman wears a two grand hat
A two grand hat made out of bears
Hunted, shot and trapped in snares
Stupid, cruel and just not funny
And makes guards faint when it gets sunny
I’m a vegan, he said, I hope you’re a vegan too
I don’t like to think of the animals as food
‘Cause if you do it to an ant, you can do it to a fly
Oh my! A fly! He said, just try
And if you do it to a fly, you can do it to a spider
I know this is getting a bit wriggled inside her
But if you do it to a spider, you can do it to a fish
‘Cause fish don’t have any feelings, I wish
And if you do it to a fish, you can do it to a chicken
The Colonel’s tortured millions, they’re finger lickin’
And if you do it to a chicken, you can do it to a cat
Fancy that? A finger lickin’ cat?
And if you do it to a pig, you can do it to a dog
Just another similarly sensitive hog
And if you do it to a cow, you can do it to a horse
A horse? Well, they eat them in France of course
And if you do it to a horse, you can do it to a man
Oh yes, you can, you understand?
That if you do it to a man, you can do it to the planet
Oh
You already did
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise
You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace
You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise
If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.
Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.
Maybe someone should tell the chickens.
Steve White & The Protest Family 