I thought that the COVID-19 songs could do with starting before the Quarantine the Queen and should probably introduce Joanna and Jason earlier, so here they are pre-lockdown in times we would have referred to as normal.
Joanna’s in the kitchen
Chopping onions, peeling garlic
Watching the news by the way
Deserted streets, men in hazmat suits
In a city far, far away
She’s got carrots and celery
A good sauce to hide veg in
Wuhan or something like that
Looking like a scene in a disaster movie
She couldn’t point to on a map
Jason puts the kettle on
It’s too early for wine
He might save it for the weekend anyway
Says what’s that you’re watching love?
It all looks a bit doomsday
Pandemics happen to other people
Other cultures, other countries
Something about the way they live, I guess
Without trying to put it bluntly
It must be dreadful but they’re not like us
I’m not sure we’d make such a fuss
It’s like something you’d watch on TV
And it’s spaghetti Bolognese for tea
She’s frying off the mince
There’s a tin of tomatoes
And a stock cube ready on the side
The broadcaster’s voice remains calm
About how many could die
Jason’s looking at his Huawei phone
If he’d open the bottle
She’d have a glass of wine
Remember that bird flu
And the panic about that at the time?
Pandemics happen to other people
Never here and not like that
Something about the way they live, I guess
Like some people eat dog or even cat
It must be dreadful but they’re not like us
And I’m not sure we’d make such of a fuss
It’s like something you’d watch on TV
And it’s spaghetti Bolognese for tea
That’s not normal and our lives are
That’s why we’re watching it from afar
There’s nothing to fear
It couldn’t happen here
Shall we eat in front of the TV?
It’s spaghetti Bolognese for tea
Spaffer fired the starting pistol
On Super Spreader Saturday
Get out and spend your money folks
The pubs are opening today
We don’t know what the R-rate is
But we’ll tell you later
Cos our mates at Deloitte
Own all the data
The landlord with bunting his pub festoons
And Super Spreader Saturday balloons
For the brave, the reckless, the immunes
So Derek is heading off to ‘Spoons
Spaffer cried schools out for summer
On Super Spreader Saturday
A haircut, a haircut, my kingdom for a haircut
The barbershop is open today
We don’t know what the R-rate is
But we’ll let the pub open its door
‘Cos we don’t know what the rules are either
Or even what the rules are for
The landlord with Perspex his pub festoons
And Super Saturday disinfectant fumes
For the illusion that normality resumes
And Derek is heading off to ‘Spoons
If you think they’re stupid, look what the polls now say
About the likelihood of a second wave
The numbers don’t lie and they’ll make you shudder
We’re now more likely to blame each other
The landlord with Perspex his pub festoons
And Super Saturday disinfectant fumes
For the illusion that normality resumes
And Derek is heading off to ‘Spoons
Steve White & The Protest Family 