The Jolly Capitalist

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That cheap and cheerful really is a money-making game
So Vimes cannot afford the boots in which he should be stood
But a cheap pair every year cost more than good ones ever would

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How landlords are the ones who really have it all to gain
‘Cause while you pay their mortgages there’s social housing shortages
So you should just be grateful they don’t Section 21

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How shitting in the river is the ultimate aim
Because if selling off the water ain’t enough to make you mad
Then selling off the NHS won’t seem half as bad

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How the 7th of October was the start of the campaign
Drones and bombs and missiles are a lucrative supply
Just requires the application of a little blind eye

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
That when a foodbank opens up he opens up the champagne
Because if the poor feed the poor what is the government for
But making rick folk richer than they’ve ever been before

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick

Nick the jolly capitalist is happy to explain
How all you need is love and you really shouldn’t complain
Because every billionaire has a billionaire dad
And love is all you need ‘cause love is all you ever had

Oh, I wish I was as happy as Nick
I wouldn’t have to care about the poor and the sick
But I want other folk to be
At least as well off as me
And while I understand the money trick
I’ll never be as happy as Nick